This journey isn't a simple road trip that you sometimes get lost in - UF APPLICATION

We often hear the phrase 'the good life'. In fact, the University of Florida's common course required of all undergraduate students is titled "What is the Good Life?". The concept of 'the good life' can be interpreted in many different ways depending upon the experiences, values and aspirations of each individual.

3980 character (400-500 word) essay
In a concise narrative, describe your notion of 'the good life'. How will your undergraduate experience at the University of Florida prepare you to live 'the good life'?

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<essay start> This journey isn't a simple road trip that you sometimes get lost in. Its a trail through the mountains where there are countless dirt roads, some a trail no ending. In this journey, "the good life" isn't reaching the peak of the mountain, but what you've done to conquer said mountain. Even if you never reach the peak, the journey through the rugged patches of the thicket, overcoming the fallen trees and mudslide that have blocked the trail are still just as important. At the end of your journey, you look back at this winding trail you've made with satisfaction and enough secrets to pass on to others.

On this uphill journey so far, I've made it passed the thicket where the snow comes down lightly and the air is thinner. Behind me are the miles I've traversed and while I've made it this far, the journey was not painless. It has been lonesome and unbearable at times, the trail was so dark and I almost lost myself in the depths of this cold ache that had grown inside me. In fact was so numb, that I had found myself looking into the barrel of a gun. Yet as dark as the situation was, life clung to me begging me to keep on living. So I did. However it was easier said than done. I arose from the depths of the path, having to crawl till I could push myself up and walk. Along this journey I've encountered many others whom also had their share of bumps and falls in the road. Before I knew it, I was no longer alone. So enrapt within each other, we became a group a companions sharing this pathway to the peak. Albeit our paths diverged ever so often and yet we all seem to find each other again.

Now as I've reached the first peak of the mountain I have to transition into this new direction that will alter the rest of my life as long as I live. I will not be able to share this direction with all my companions as I take my journey into my own hands however they've made the best of it. This undergraduate experience that I am about to take on is almost the same as when I started this journey at the base of the mountain. Its a fresh restart as I am able to carve new footprints into the landscape, a different path once again. Yet this new expedition only deserves the best I am. One Hundred percent is not enough as an undergraduate, I must exert myself to the fullest extent of my being to push the limits of where I am. This portion is what sets up the rest of my journey enriching me with different experiences that I may carry till the end. The good life is the journey, for life itself is never just one thing but a multitude of experiences in a continuous span of time till it is abruptly cut off. <essay end>

Is there anything I can improve here???

Caroline, you need to try to approach this essay from a different angle. Right now, your essay is dealing with your journey through life which is not the same as the definition of a good life. Try to write another essay based upon what you believe to be a good life and how happened for you. Some people use a quote from a book, a story from a movie n or tv show, or even an anecdote from a friend of relative. The good life is a journey, but it needs to be defined in order for it to have meaning and for others to understand why you define it a certain way. The prompt wants to measure your maturity level and understanding of life. Try to reflect that in your writing. Those are the reasons you need to revise the essay. Trust me, it will help your essay align properly with the prompt :-)

Thanks for the tips! How is this so far?:
The outside of the stone was rugged and weathered, very unpleasant to the eye; however, underneath shown amethyst crystals that were so rich a deep in color. There were countless more geodes and crystal formations within the glass case in front of me. I was so enamored with each and everyone of them. They all came from various places around the world ranging from Australia to Wyoming. The stones were bookmarks of past memories and adventures that my great grandmother had experienced within her lifetime. She lived her life to the fullest as she traveled around the world up until her late eighties. The tales she wove were explicit and vivid as she would describe how she met a renowned glass maker in France one week and to find herself in relaxing upon the shores of Larvotto beach in Monte Carlo the next. Her tales, along with my own experiences of travel have formed my picture of the good life in itself. Full of life and adventure, exploring the edges of your own assumptions about the countries of the world. While you can know all about every country in the world, being knowledgeable about a country is not the same as immersing yourself in that environment and seeing what the condition is for yourself.

To travel the world and encounter so many experiences, stimulating every sense within oneself is truly the good life. I don't mean to travel as in just to say you have been to a certain country and bought a nick knack, I mean to travel to a country and fully immerse yourself into the culture and understand the roots that the country grew from. Seeing the world in its entirety, the people, the geography, its whole being is the "good life". When beginning the undergraduate experience, all these cultures mix together in the mutual endeavor to expand our experiences and minds. Encountering other people from these different backgrounds getting this brief understanding of different lives from varying countries and cultures.

Caroline, this is a better take, but still, it has superficial undertones and shows only a common understanding of the essay prompt. You need to delve deeper into yourself in order to properly respond to this prompt. It is not about travel or material things, or even the existence of your good fortune, the good life you are being asked about is an abstract understanding of the term. Taken from your actual experience in life in comparison to the world around you. If you were to continue developing this essay using the information you have provided in the revised essay, I would ask you to consider the world travels that you have had and reflect upon the experience of mingling with people of different countries. What did you learn about the good life from them? From the way you engaged with them and the way they treated you, the good and bad experiences you had with them, all could help to define the good life based upon your travels. How about trying to incorporate that point of view into the next version of your essay? We are building the draft versions of your essay at the moment, slowly, it will come into its final form. I hope you can bear with me while I try to help you achieve that :-)

So can I use both my journey through life so far lead up to as why I think of a concept as the good life? That's what I tried to do with the first draft. I really do think that the journey through life is important but that's not exactly what I mean. To me, the good life s knowing and doing 110% the best of your ability for everything. Not like throwing caution into the wind sort of thing but living life with a fire inside that doesn't go out. I don't know how to really name it or explain it and its proving to be quite difficult. But to me the "good life" is living and doing all things with a passion/fire inside. How can I transpose that into legible writing?