KAY Club. Making a Difference. -- Common App Short Answer

Here is the prompt: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer).

"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." Spoken by Winston Churchill, these words are my inspiration. Service has always been a major part of my life and I enjoy it. Before moving to the United States, the idea of community service was foreign to me. However, I was introduced to the Kansas Association for Youth (KAY) organization at the activities fair during my seventh grade year. KAY is a student association unique to Kansas. The state proudly offers this activity to students, through its member schools, as a means to "make a world of difference" for all. Through KAY, I have learned to love and be loved, to appreciate and respect all, to enjoy fun and laughter, to give myself to a cause, and to have something to live for, something that gives me purpose and meaning.

Please help me revise this essay and make it better in general as well as better in answering the prompt.

Thank you so so much!

If this is your theme, and you write so well, I think you will probably be sharing your insight with EssayForum writers whose essays appear on the unanswered list?? :-) I am struggling to make sure everyone gets responses.

Spoken by Winston Churchill, these words are my inspiration. Service has always been a major part of my life, and I enjoy it.

KAY is a student association unique to Kansas. The state proudly offers this activity to students, through its member schools, as a means intended to "make a world of difference" for all. (add specific examples/anecdotes here) Through KAY, I have learned to... and I really like this last sentence.

I think that is this is definitely a well-written essay. However, I think you could make it even better by making it more personal. Try to explain why and how you fell in love with this organization rather than stating that you did. Also, try to elaborate on how exactly this club "makes a world of difference" because it is still pretty vague as to what exactly the club does.

Anyway, good luck with everything!! I wish you the best!

However, I was introduced to the Kansas Association for Youth (KAY) organization at the activities fair during my seventh grade year. --> But in seventh grade, I was introduced to Kansas Association for Youth (KAY) organization an the activities fair.

I think this is a good answer and as ysabelbrown said, could be better by making it more personal. Maybe you could mention as an example your favorite event and how it affected you.

Wish you the best.