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KGSP scholarship - I should not overlook this opportunity

Kimmie3 1 / 1  
Jul 18, 2020   #1


Please give your sincere opinions
Thank you.

Two years ago, I spoke to my biological father for the first time.
I grew up with a single mother and had a younger sibling from a different father who, like my biological father, also left us. This affected my mother so much I saw my mother almost take her life three times. I always cried, screamed out and begged her not too. I couldn't watch her do that. I never let her give up cause although my brother and I didn't have the best childhood. It was tough, but the love we have for each other was stronger. My mother, with the little she had made sure to give us the best that she could provide for me and my brother as she couldn't finish schooling. I promised her and myself to make her proud. This made me conscious of what would make her happy. In this regard, I became a very active person in school. I won various debate contests and wrote excellent essays. I was awarded as a news researcher and editor at my school, and I was instructed to read the latest news in the assembly hall. With such a sense of responsibility, I was full of enthusiasm for education and ranked among the top ten students.

During my high school days, I was very involved in the debate club. I was awarded first place in our intra school competition on a woman's place in the society. I believe strongly in empowering each gender in the society of today. It was one of my most favorite things ever to do and I dream to speak in UN assembly for people when I fulfill my dreams of becoming a diplomat. I also love dancing , singing, acting. I was always given the lead position in each performance which resulted to making me the social director of club and always managed school events. I was also in the drama club, language club as I'm very good in our local language such as yoruba from western part of Nigeria. I have little understanding in igbo from east side. Although I also have a strong desire to improve in international languages. I also joined the news research club and became a representative to read the news at our Friday assembly as at my grade 9 in school. I was also really excellent in civic education as I got an A1 in my final exams and also government with C6 .Which brings to my desire to study political science and international relations as it share almost ideas with civic education where we taught about our rights as citizens, how the world works, learning to stand up for people , generally everything about the history of how relationships are built with member country and most history of one's country. As a hobby in school, I really enjoyed writing, reading, and learning new things, and studying more about political science and international relations from the internet at our school's computer lab.

My enthusiasm was further increased when I discovered that there are many interesting careers open to graduates of international relations, especially involving overseas travel which is something I greatly enjoy. Out of curiosity and on my time management and research skills, I plunged into the culture of Asia to see cultural relations with each country and Nigeria.. I got certified by an online class form cousera yonsei on Korean language course and also on classes about the tradition culture of korea. I really enjoy the dynamic nature of studying Politics and International Relations and am particularly keen on researching Asia's integration, territorial politics and nationalism. Especially East of Asia's South Korea. I am very interested in strengthening the relationship between Nigeria and South Korea.

Due to financial difficulties, I had to stay at home after high school. One would think that growing up in a broken home I have broken hopes and dreams. But this did not stop my tenacity of purpose, so I got a job as an assistant teacher in my aunt's private school to educate young children. It was during this role that I knew that children accumulate things faster, so I introduced a spelling bee to young children. This increased my creative abilities and the ability to work in a team, since I have to motivate and engage all students, leaving no one behind. As my desire for political science and international relations intensified, I began to learn more about political science and international relations from the Internet which was the closest education I can get; all thanks to advances in technology.

During the covid -19 pandemic I assisted the economy by contributing to the people of Yemen due to their crisis and war, I registered to become a UN volunteer online. I took an online course on Covid-19 and it's preventive measures to protect myself and educate people on it In my family and amongst friends. I always did my best to help by giving out to needy like clothes shoes food or little money I could afford, helped out by giving to the orphanage and disabled children home.

Also because of my interest in political science and international relations, i also took an online class on on the theory of international relations from an online class and also studied on modern diplomacy of 21century from an online class called cousera and was given a certificate. Although from an English speaking country I took an online on listening and note taking in English which consist of speaking too because you never stop learning and this has improved my ability in the area of communication and writing better. To gain more relevant experience I have worked voluntarily as an unpaid administrative assistant investment company. Although a part time position it has given me an insight into areas relevant to possible future careers, namely; risk and threat assessment, crisis management plans, security audits and business continuity plans.

I believe strongly to change people's lives , to make the best put of people to help anyone. To make mother proud of all the sacrifice she has made for I and my brother. To become a role model for my brother to follow his dreams and most of all to make a change in the world .

While searching for opportunities for scholarship , i came across the Korean government scholarship programme and I found out It is a great opportunity to not overlook because with this opportunity I can finally go to college and my mother won't have to worry about fees also this will be a great opportunity for me to get connected globally and finally fulfill my promise to mother I made to her also I will be able to support my brother education and he can go back to school. I am very aware of korea education system and first class reputation that draws people from all over the world and from many different backgrounds. I really look forward to the opportunities and challenges that lay ahead for me in south korea and am confident that the country and university will not only exceed my expectations but with this great opportunity from the Korean government , I can finally perfect myself in the aspect of political science and international relations at best.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,107 3258  
Jul 18, 2020   #2
Your essay is way too long. You are supposed to fit the information, as required by the discussion instructions in the e-appplication form on a single sided A-4 sized paper. You are using 2 full sides of an A-4 sized paper for your response. So you are obviously writing way too much for the application. Your essay will either be rejected by the system or, it will be cut at the point where the A4 sized paper maxes out with the word count.

So, you will need to review your essay and cut out all unnecessary portions to make it suit the needs of the application. You can definitely remove the totality of the last paragraph of your personal statement. That is not a required element based on the prompt instructions. Please, go back and write a totally new essay. If you do not have a copy of the discussion points. Let me give it to you here:

- Motivations with which you apply for this program
- Family and Education background
- Significant experiences you have had; risks you have taken and achievements you have made, persons or events that have had a significant influence on you

- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities or work experiences
- If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired, etc.

Review your response in accordance with the above discussion requirements. Keep your response short and relevant. Make sure you do not include unnecessary information about your interest in Korea and other similar useless information. If it is not part of the discussion topics provided, do not present it in the essay. The reviewer has no use for that information at this point as you are not applying for a masters degree scholarship. That is the GKS scholarship that requires a Why Korea discussion. Use an A4 sized paper format when you type your revised response. That is the only way you can create an applicable personal statement.
OP Kimmie3 1 / 1  
Jul 19, 2020   #3

Thank you for your comment I'll go back and try my statement again
I hope when I post it again you share your comment about my statement for me

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