'Language piqued my interest ' - Personal Satement. Linguistics.

Hi, i am an interntional student. I have written a new essay, taking a whole paragraph from the old one i had written before.

I am applying to a university in the U.K for the English Language and Linguistics Programme. The essay is not finished yet. I have yet to explain why i want to go to the U.K for my study. But would you mind checking my progress. I have tried to be as simple as possible. Let me know what you think. Do i make my point across about wanting to study English and Linguistics?

Help me and i will help you back. Thank you so much in advance.
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I was talking to this tiny, yet ridiculously warm looking lady on an almost empty bus going to the city. She appeared to be in her late 50s. I was in a less-than-good mood and to my greatest fear, she started talking to me. After the usual introductions, with a sweet nonchalance, she asked me what I wanted to do with my life. I replied, "I..ah...don't know." She raised her head and her eyebrows slightly, in unison. I tried to follow up with a smile, but failed miserably. With a dramatic flair in her voice, the lady said, "You will know when the time is right." And after what I had thought was an awkward silence, she added, "Take it one day at a time."

That was almost two years ago. I had been out of school, frustrated at my limited study options, hungrily searching for my vocation. As dramatic as it may seem, something clicked during that awfully tentative conversation with the lady. I realized I had to do what I had loved but had ignored before; I had to go back to teaching.

Language piqued my interest and teaching liberated me. So I combined both and freed myself. There are still people, including my father, who love flaunting the financial aspects of a technical degree. But they don't know what I become in a class. My father hasn't seen me evolve from a shy girl into an excited maniac when I help my students decipher English language. It's not just the English that gets me going. It is the idea of a language becoming tangible from picayune human needs and consequently, the sad falling of a tongue due to inevitable human greed.

Ever imagined a world where people spoke only one language, united by a single outlook towards life? Well, I have. And I can tell you there is nothing so serenely tragic about having no diversity to humble us. The ballyhoo that languages create is something that is unnerving but an essential part that holds us together. Maybe the day will never come when there is only one language. But maybe there will. Especially in today's world of ubiquitous technology that has made it easy for us to learn and possible to forget. I do not want to watch the progressive social phenomenon of language from the sideline; I want to be a part of it, right in the middle.

Hello! :) I enjoyed reading your essay! A lot of descriptive writing (I guess that's your style).
In a distinctive way, you have shown your passion for teaching English! Job well done!

My only comment would be that you can work on elaborating what you mean by being "right in the middle" of it. And that is to state precisely what your goals are.

Maybe even mention a specific opportunity that the university offers, to help you accomplish these goals.
Or have you already thought about adding that, since you said this essay isn't complete yet?
Anyway, I learned a new word: ballyhoo!

All the best! :)

Edit: I just realized that I have read some your essays before this and I think you have a great talent in writing!

Thank you so much for your awesome comment.

I am actually applying to a Creative Writing and Linguistics programme too. But i didn't want to focus on that since i don't know how to include my interest in Linguistics, English Language and Writing in one single essay.

I have added a line after "right in the middle". Maybe that will work.

I haven't thought of mentioning my future goals because i think there wouldn't be enough space to do that.

I will finish my essay in a bit. If you could, would you please read it again? That would be really amazing.

Thanks again. I will read yours too. :)

Hema Preya:

Yes, it should be "interests". I wrote in a hurry. And "knowledegable admirer" sounded good in my head but i know it kinda doesn't make sense and leaves the reader a bit confused. I will change that. I also like "It's my time" idea. I think i will use that.

Really thank you so much for your feedback. It has helped me tremendously.

Chalumeau:

I can't thank you enough for your suggestions but thank you.

I don't know how to be more specific with the linguistics part. I will work on that.
This is my first draft so i know i will be working a lot on improving it. I do read my essays out loud and try to find awkward sentences. This forum has helped me a lot because of members like you.

I am thinking of teaching English as a foreign language but i am also interested in Journalism. So let's see what happens. For now, i just want to study English and Linguistics.

Again, thank you very much for the feedback.

Made some changes. I would love for your guys to read it again and give me suggestions.
Chalumeau:
The only reason i didn't make all the changes you suggested was my pride. haha. Your sentences are definetely better than what i wrote. I tried to put all your suggestions in my essay but i wanted to keep some of my sentences as well even if they weren't as good. I know it's stupid. But anyway, i would love for you to take a look at it again.

By the way, i have seen you give feedbacks to other essays and they are marvellous. Do you do this professionally? Are you a writer? Sorry for prying. Just wanted to know. :)

Hi again! It is looking better and better, I must say!

A few minor comments:
"My dream of exploring languages and my want to preserve it cannot be achieved here, in Nepal where Linguistics is not offered at any university." - Should the comma come after ... cannot be achieved here in Nepal, where...

Also, is there a reason why Linguistics is capitalized? If it is an area of study, I don't think you need to capitalize it.

Hm.. I have read it about three times and I can't seem to find anything wrong with it. This is a good solid essay.

Good luck!

I don't know about the comma but linguistics, as it turns out, should not be capitalized. I never really thought about it. Thanks. I literally googled "should linguistics be capitalized"

Thanks for your positive feedback. Even if you hadn't liked my essay, i wouldn't have known what better to do with it. I like writing but it is this polishing that i hate. By the end of it, it feels as if you have a completely different essay than what you had started with.

Good luck with your application. :)

You're welcome!
I don't think yours is too far from when you started, unless you did revisions before that and you were talking about those :)
All the best to you too!

Points taken. :)
I will make some changes now.
I really like the placement of the "speak hindi, english..." part on the second paragraph.

Revising has helped me quite a lot. I used to be really frustrated but now i have come to realize that i can benefit from other people's suggestions and opinions.

Thank you so much.

Your essay potrays a nice diction!!!
It would also be good to state why you chose to apply to that specfic university in UK. That would also show the admission conselor that efforts you have invested in getting acquinted with the university.

Good luck on your application.

pls help me with mine

I did receive scholarships to go to college, so my writing skills must not have been that bad in high school.
I received an A (ok some A-minuses) on almost all of my senior year English papers.
I received the highest grade (on the scale from 1 to 6) on the state essay prompt. I passed the AP English exam too.

I'm trying to learn a foreign language at the moment. What method do you recommend? My memory is not as
good as it once was. Rosetta Stone was great for learning nouns but did not help with grammar.

Impressive!

What language are you trying to learn? Nepali is my mother tongue. I learned English at school and through T.V(mostly American sitcoms)and movies. Hindi, i also learned by watching t.v and movies. Now, i am learning Italian using a "Teach Yourself" book on Italian and through couple of movies. I initially started with Rosetta Stone too but it was going a bit slowly for my liking and like you said, i knew Italian words but couldn't get anymore than that.

htly close me eyes, enjoy with the lovely melody and dream about my bright future. Have you ever listen to music and it would give you positive energy? I do. When I first hear the piano music, Dream Wedding by Richard Clayderman, I was deeply touched by the harmonious tone and I felt release from the song. Since I am in love with it, I practiced hundreds of times to play Dream Wedding with piano smoothly. Whenever I feel stressful from schoolwork, I am upset with friendship or even I get confused about my future, playing Dream Wedding can always calm my mood, and help me to reconsider what should I do next. Moreover, the music inspires me with positive thinking and I have full c

Hi Menuka! I apologize for not being on this site for awhile. I fell sick, I think it has something to do with all the application stress lol cause the timing was just perfect :/

Anyway, I see chalumeau has done a great job here! After reading through this thread, I don't think I can help much more. I feel that with each revision, apart from the minor sentence adjustments, your story gets more refined.

All the best!! :)
And chalumeau, wow - keep up the great work! :)

Thanks. I really hope i get in because i really love that school. Anyways, best of all the luck with yours too. :)