Hi Guys, Will anyone help me with final grammar check before final submission :(
Thanks!
Yale U:
You have already told us about yourself in the Common Application, with its list of activities, the Short Answer, and the Personal Essay. While we leave the topic of your second essay entirely up to you, try telling us something about yourself that you believe we cannot learn elsewhere in your application. Please limit yourself to fewer than 500 words. WC=439
Many people do not incorporate their chores with a pleasurable hobby. But when it comes to car restoration for the men in my family, it is a painstakingly long process where the ends justify means. My father is a collector of sports cars, but not just any cars. His fascination resides with the Italian and British automobiles, pre-1970. Of the cars that he collects, his favorite has always been the Alfa Romeo. With over thirty of these pristine examples stored in our warehouse, almost all of them are our personal undertakings as well as an investment for future speculation. A mix of nostalgia with the soulful Italian passion in its handling finesse and its beautiful appearance makes owning one of these automobiles a sheer delight unlike any other.
The process begins with a search for a likely candidate on Ebay. Usually found scrapped or neglected, I'm in charge of bidding for these high mileage veterans, calling and arranging a price with the prospective seller. Once an Alfa is bought and delivered, we prepare it for restoration. Much like coal, a car can arrive desecrated and mangled, but can potentially be transformed into a diamond with time. Our goal is originality in that every car we restore is in the same condition as if it were fresh out of the factory from the assembly line. While my father and my brother handle the more mechanical aspects of restoration, I perform the logistics of the operation, seeing to it that each piece of art goes to the right shop at the right time such as painting the vehicle before the fitting the upholstery. Original parts are hard to come by, thus I'd find myself with my father digging for usable components in junkyards. With a little polish and elbow grease, its funny how treasures can lie in place where one would least expect. The physical assembly and fine-tuning are backbreaking to say the least. For those who say patience is a virtue, they don't realize how easily it can be understated. Like any other artist with his or her masterpiece, car restoration requires the work of a perfectionist. When an Alfa is completed, the enjoyment of starting its engine sends shivers down my spine. The satisfaction upon completion fills my heart with pride by allowing me to say that I put an extensive amount of effort in its craftsmanship.
Restoring these automobiles has given me an attribute of diligence. It has taught me that no matter how hard or how long it takes to complete something, that I should strive for it and make it the best that it can be.
such as painting the vehicle before the fitting the upholstery
lie in places where one would least expect them to be.
This was a really great read, and everything flows nicely!
You might be able to leave off the "to be", but i'm almost positive you need a "them.
Here are some tips:
"Many people do not incorporate their chores with a pleasurable hobby. But when it comes to car restoration for the men in my family, it is a painstakingly long process where the ends justify the means."
"With a little polish and elbow grease, its funny how treasures can lie in places where one would least expect to find them "
"Restoring these automobiles has made me diligent "
