Hi. This goes out in a few hours, any help is a thanks.
Leaders Club is one of the YMCA's most intensive and comprehensive teen programs. My involvent in leaders club (Leaders Club?) has made me feel good about who I am. Club members meet at least once a week during the year to plan and organize charitable...
after edits:
My involvement in Leaders Club has been an extraordinary experience that has provided me with a myriad of opportunities to help others. Meeting at least once a week during the school year, club members would plan, organize, and run charitable events and activities. Although we spearheaded many memorable community service projects, one project that will stay with me for the rest of my life was our frequent visits to spend time with the children at Saint Peter's Orphanage. On a typical day at Saint Peter's Orphanage, our group would eat lunch with the children, play games with them, read to them, and talk to them about anything that was bothering them. I believe that by spending time with the children, our group was able to help build their confidence and show them that there are people out there who really care.
Leaders Club is one of the YMCA's most intensive and comprehensive teen programs. My involvement in the Leaders Clubs has made me feel good about who I am. (what do you mean by make you feel good about who you are?)
Club members meet at least once a week during the year to plan and organize charitable events and activities. Mymost memorable activitywas the visit to Saint Peter's Orphanage. (i changed "visits" to "visit", but if you went there more than one time, you should clarify it and maybe say something like "weekly visits")
I was able to spend time with kids who are much less fortunate than I . On a typical day at the oprhanage, I would have lunch with the kids, play games, and talk with them about whatever was on their mind. Hopefully our group spending time with them gives them a little more sense that there are people who care. ---> I think you need to work hard on this particular part in order to make it sound special and meaningful.
Hope this helps! Good Luck!
Decided to wait a little bit longer and send it out tonight.
Any thoughts before I send it out?
I know I'm too late, but... for what it's worth:
I think the first sentence has too many words, so it is like watered-down apple juice.. it's nice, but not as good as if it was pure:
My involvement in Leaders Club has been an extraordinary experience that has provided me with a myriad of opportunities to help others.---Like this... it's better this way, I think. It is more powerful, because the reader gets the same message in fewer words. It is punchy.
You demonstrated great writing ability and also great willingness to give of yourself. Successful essay, I think!
