My application is due Dec. 1st, so any feedback is appreciated! This is a first draft so please feel free to point out any grammatical errors as well.
I'll leave feedback on someone else's essay if you'd like.
Thanks!
Prompt: Leadership is a constant theme and emphasis at CMC. One way CMC emphasizes leadership is through the Athenaeum Speaker Series, which enables CMC students to dine with leaders from a wide range of fields every weeknight during the academic year. Recent speakers have included authors, activists, entrepreneurs, scientists, professors, politicians, and more. If you could invite anyone to speak at the Athenaeum, who would you choose and why? Please limit your response to no more than 300 words.
Leaders are few and far between. But how about those that make the leaders? Today there are few people that can claim to have inspired as many people in the last hundred years as Dale Carnegie. I first learned about Carnegie while browsing Quora, an online collaborative information sharing and learning platform. There, I stumbled upon a thread begging the question "What was the most important business book you've read?" I didn't recognize any of the titles mentioned, but nearly all of the replies mentioned Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. By lone consensus I knew that I had to read this book, and one week later it was in my hands.
Dale Carnegie founded his book on a few basic pearls of wisdom, many of which were already thought to be common sense. Smile, Remember a person's name, Show genuine interest, Be a good listener, Talk in terms of the other's interest, and finally Make the other person feel important. By following these seemingly common sense principles I've found success where there was once failure when communicating with my peers as a group member as well as a leader.
Carnegie's influence doesn't stop with me, while discussing Carnegie, Warren Buffet is quoted saying "I actually have the diploma in the office, and I don't have my diploma from college, I don't have my diploma from graduate school, but I've got my Dale Carnegie Diploma there, because it changed my life." Surely, if Carnegie helped shape Mr. Buffet into the man he is today, than a room of hungry, young college students would benefit from one of his brilliant lectures.
i personally don't know who dale carnegie is, but that may not be the case for the admissions officers. if you have space, maaybe you could stick in a line in the firsst paragraph to give people and idea who he is and what he does.
the first line of your last paragraph contains some grammatical errors. i'm not sure what your trying to convey in writing" Carnegie's influence doesn't stop with me, while discussing Carnegie, Warren Buffet is quoted saying" maybe you could clarify what your trying to convey?
I've personally read How to Win Friends and Influence People and I think it's great, but I think this essay needs a bit more about who you are. Clearly you value Carnegie's advice but when you say it impacted you, show us how it did. Even though the essay is supposed to be about another person, you need to somehow show your leadership skills as well. Otherwise, the bit about Carnegie is very well written!
