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The league of Extraordinary Teenage Leaders, a significant experience, achievement



Olaoluwa 4 / 6  
Sep 2, 2010   #1
The league of Extraordinary Teenage Leaders

'1, 2, 3...' they all said. I can still hear the voices of those who like me had the qualities of leadership inherent in them. This is just a glimpse of my prolific yet very rare experience at the Global Youth Leaders Conference.

Soon after being chosen as a prefect of my high school, I was selected among many to attend the Global Youth Leaders Conference which was a twelve day activity. I was very displeased when I got to know that the conference was going to interfere with my summer holiday. After the school session came to an end, I started preparing for the conference because I had no idea of the people I was going meet there.

I with my father departed for the United States from Nigeria. I had barely spent a day with my dad when I had to leave him for the conference. Leaving him made me realize that self-dependence was the first problem I had to overcome at the conference. I arrived at the venue for the conference and was blissful to see a few of my high school friends.

After completing the identification process, I was directed to a large hall. We were numerous in that hall and we soon realized that we had to mingle with each other. This was mandatory for us fully enjoy the conference. I was amazed to see people set aside their racial differences and fully accept each others culture. After, I decided to search for my room but soon got the shock of my life. I found in my room, two scholars who were nothing like I had imagined my roommates to be. My roommates were older than me with 3 years and it was then I realized that I was the youngest in the conference. I laid down on the bed to sleep but kept thinking of the fact that I was the youngest in the conference. I knew it was going to be demanding for me to get along with my roommates.

With time I developed a bit of determination and was not going to give up. I was assigned to the 'Brazil' group and soon attended the group meeting. I looked at the faces of those in my group, knowing that these were the people I was going to be around with most of the time. We were given multiple tasks which we wouldn't have achieved if we didn't work as a unit. These tasks ranged from political simulations to artistic presentations.

So many problems developed within my group as a result of trying to accomplish our goals. People had contrary opinions and methodologies towards tackling our tasks. These problems did not only arise within my group but also developed among different country groups. During the simulation, we all spent hours arguing with each other that we forgot the main aim of the simulation. It was only when we considered others opinions that we were able to come to an accurate resolve. This taught me that a leader has to consider problems from different perspective, putting others opinions into consideration. I also discovered that a leader has to be a team player: someone who cooperates with those around him regardless of the situation.

We were left alone to roam around in the streets of New York to purchase food which was suitable to us. We were given maps to guide us but occasionally my friends and I got lost. During these situations, my friends trusted me to lead them back to the buses. I knew that if I was to prove myself as a leader, betraying their trust was not an option. I was ready to take on this responsibility and most often lead my friends out of such sticky situations.

The 12 days had come to an end and the earlier feeling of displeasure had turned to a feeling of delight. I had acquired a vast majority of knowledge in such a short period. Cornell University not only creates an environment for articulate learning but also provides an environment that will help broaden my leadership skills. When accepted into Cornell University, I will not only bring academic excellence and sporting brilliance but also effective leadership.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Sep 4, 2010   #2
I can still hear the voices of those who like me had the qualities of leadership inherent in them.---- "inherent in them" is a sort of awkward phrase...

How about this:
I can still hear the voices of those of us who had innate talents for leadership. inherent in them.

Honestly, I do not like the first paragraph. It is very confusing, and it brags that you have leadership qualities... I think you can do better if you start with paragraph 2 and just leave that confusing first paragraph out of the essay.

After the school session came to an end, I started preparing for the conference because I had no idea of the people I was going meet there.--- right here, after this sentence and before ending the paragraph, it will be better if you add a thesis statement that conveys the main idea of the whole essay... it's theme.

What is the theme for this whole essay? Write it in a single sentence at the end of paragraph one.

'1, 2, 3...' they all said. I can still hear the voices of those who like me had the qualities of leadership inherent in them. This is just a glimpse of my prolific yet very rare experience at the Global Youth Leaders Conference.

Soon after being chosen as a prefect of my high school, I was selected among many to attend the Global Youth Leaders Conference which was a twelve day activity. I was very displeased when I got to know that the conference was going to interfere with my summer holiday. After the school session came to an end, I started preparing for the conference because I had no idea of the people I was going meet there. (add a thesis statement here).

Then, begin paragraph 2
After completing the ...

You write very well!! The only other idea I have for you is that you should spend a little more time at the end in that conclusion, reflecting on what the signifiance of this experience is and its implications for your future.

Great job!
Nnadozie 3 / 5  
Sep 6, 2010   #3
I think you should do as Kevin thinks and change the first paragraph. It shows bragging and that is not what admission officers would want to think of you.

Great Job anyway!!!


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