Hello People,
I want to ask for your feedback on my transfer essay to the University of Washington. I am planning to transfer into the business major there.
I am a bit worried about not questioning the cultural understanding part. Thank you so much!
Prompt:
Suggested length is 750 to 1000 words. Click the arrows for details.
Address the following topics: (required)
Academic History
- Tell us about your college career to date, describing your performance, educational path and choices.
- Explain any situations that may have had a significant positive or negative impact on your academic progress and or curricular choices. If you transferred multiple times, had a significant break in your education, or changed career paths, explain.
- What are the specific reasons you wish to leave your most recent college/university and/or program of study?
Your Major and/or Career Goals
- Tell us about your intended major and career aspirations.
- Are you prepared to enter your intended major at this time? If not, describe your plans for preparing for the major. What led you to choose this major? If you are still undecided, why? What type of career are you most likely to pursue after finishing your education?
- How will the UW help you attain your academic, career, and/or personal goals?
- If you selected a competitive major, you have the option of selecting a second-choice major in the event you are not admitted to your first-choice major. Please address major and/or career goals for your second-choice major, if applicable.
Cultural Understanding
- Thoughtfully describe the ways in which culture has had an impact on your life and what you have learned about yourself and society as a result. How has your own cultural history enriched and/or challenged you?
NOTE: Culture may be defined broadly. Cultural understanding is often drawn from the ethnic background, customs, values, and ideas of a person's immediate family, community, and/or social environment in which they live.
Address the following topics if they apply to you: (optional)
Educational Challenges / Personal Hardships
- Describe any personal or imposed challenges or hardships you have overcome in pursuing your education. Examples: a serious illness, a disability, first generation in your family to attend college, significant financial hardship or responsibilities associated with balancing work, family and school.
Community, Military, or Volunteer Service
- Describe your community, military, or volunteer service, including leadership, awards, or increased levels of responsibility.
Experiential Learning
- Describe your involvement in research, artistic endeavors, and work (paid or volunteer), as they have contributed to your academic, career, or personal goals.
Other Comments
Do you have a compelling academic or personal need to attend the University of Washington-Seattle at this time?
Is there anything else you would like us to know?
My Essay:
To Learn and to Fix
Tears were falling after I got home from the third day of my new elementary school. I told my mother, "I haven't learned multiplication in my first year, but my current classmates can do multiplication." Ten years later, I read an online newspaper article claiming first-year elementary students in Papua province of Indonesia even did not know how to read and write. They also had to study in a classroom where its rooftop and wall were rotten accompanied with old and thin wooden tables and chairs. The problem still persists until today.
Because of such inequality, I decided that I want to make a foundation that will fund rural schools students' scholarships, infrastructure improvement of their schools, and the training of their teachers. My intended majors have not changed since then: accounting and finance. Both majors will get me closer to my goal, for I want to establish the foundation's financial first. I will be making high-return investments and use the profit as endowments to the foundation. Through studying accounting, I will understand the foundation's financial position.
One of the best countries to study accounting and finance is United States. Therefore, I made my mind that I want to pursue my education in America and gain as much experience and skills necessary for me to attain my personal goal. I chose to study my first two years of college career at Everett Community College and has planned to transfer to a four-year institution even before I set my foot on the U.S. ground. At my current college, I am pursuing my associate direct transfer degree in business. I have one class left for finishing my degree here, and am absolutely prepared to transfer to University of Washington and to gain my Bachelor of Arts in Business Administration from the UW's Michael G. Foster School of Business. By the end of this Winter quarter, I will have finished both the pre and post- admission courses requirements. In relation to my personal goal, the types of career that I want to pursue after graduating with my bachelor degree are an investment banker or an accountant. By working at an investment bank firm or an accounting firm, my experience in the field will significantly improve, and I will realize how real world accounting and finance career field look like.
"BEEP BEEP.. BEEP BEEP.. BEEP BEEP..." I stretch out my arm, reach a table by my bed, and turn my alarm off. While laying on my bed sober with my eyes closed, I slowly get my upper body up and have a sitting position on my bed. How long I stay in that position defines if I am going to be late for my job and class every morning. Although my primary role at my community college is student, I have taken several responsibilities throughout my study such as working on-campus, participating in club meetings, and volunteer services. My current college has been giving me many opportunities to develop myself not just academically but also individually. Having volunteered and represented my college in the community during my freshman year, as a tutor for a local middle school, has made me realize how important it is to speak clearly. Especially since English is my second language, I was developing my speaking skills together with my sense of patience when I helped middle school students with their homework. Starting my sophomore year, I work at two different departments on campus. I really enjoy working as a student ambassador for the college Student LIFE department and as an office assistant for the Workforce Funding department. From time to time, I develop my customer service skill, work ethics, and interpersonal skill. Talking with my co-workers, greeting students, be on time to work, showing up to staff meetings are several examples to illustrate my point. Throughout my time, I also have been helping incoming international students during their orientation week. I enjoy my time talking with them about their cultures and reasons of what brought them to the college. To sum it up, Everett Community College has given me chances to improve my speaking skill, meet with diverse people from different cultures, prepare me for transferring to a university, and develop both work ethics and people skill. If I had to start my college career again, I would start it all over again from EvCC.
As like many community colleges, my college mainly offers associate transfer degree to its students. And I also feel like the education I receive here has not prepared me for my career and goal. Therefore, transferring to the UW in Fall 2016 quarter will be the best move I can do for continuing my study in accounting and finance. As stated in the University of Washington's vision statement, the university educates a diverse population of students to become responsible world citizens and leaders through challenging learning environment taught by cutting-edge education. The UW offers diverse club organizations showing how the university respects variety of students from different background and culture. By this, I will be able to meet students from different places and learn more about them. Before coming to the United States, my mother made it important to me that I had to keep my distance with African-American people. She believed that these people were dangerous, ill-minded, and rude. Once I got here, my cultural understanding completely changed. It turns out that not all African-American people are bad just like what my mother said. They are really welcoming and I have made friends with some of them. Now I know that I cannot judge people by their ethnicity or preferences. Also as an international student, I certainly feel the UW is a welcoming environment to study. With the cutting-edge scholarship assurance and the fact that the Michael G. Foster School of Business is ranked as one of the top business schools in America, I have no doubt that majoring accounting and finance in the UW will prepare me for pursuing my career and goal. At the UW, I will be able to join more diverse club organizations and participating in job workshops or training. Meeting with new people will definitely enhance my people skill, and without saying, I have more connections that can support me.
With so many advantages the UW offers, I truly believe that my second-choice major will push me closer toward my goal. With economics, I will be able to understand my country's economic structure and markets. I will be aware of two things. The first is what kind of steps I need to take to interact with the investing market, so that I can multiply my funds, for the purpose of donating my profit to the foundation. The last is what kind of projects that the foundation can propose to the government considering that the country can cut some expense on a particular segment of the economy.
I know that the UW and Michael G. Foster School of Business will be the perfect places for me to start my goal. Not only I will feel comfortable to be part of them, I am also working toward my goal. Inspiration will be at every corner, and I will definitely make a responsible global citizen and leader who will give justice to Indonesia's education and save my people from poverty.
I want to ask for your feedback on my transfer essay to the University of Washington. I am planning to transfer into the business major there.
I am a bit worried about not questioning the cultural understanding part. Thank you so much!
Prompt:
Suggested length is 750 to 1000 words. Click the arrows for details.
Address the following topics: (required)
Academic History
- Tell us about your college career to date, describing your performance, educational path and choices.
- Explain any situations that may have had a significant positive or negative impact on your academic progress and or curricular choices. If you transferred multiple times, had a significant break in your education, or changed career paths, explain.
- What are the specific reasons you wish to leave your most recent college/university and/or program of study?
Your Major and/or Career Goals
- Tell us about your intended major and career aspirations.
- Are you prepared to enter your intended major at this time? If not, describe your plans for preparing for the major. What led you to choose this major? If you are still undecided, why? What type of career are you most likely to pursue after finishing your education?
- How will the UW help you attain your academic, career, and/or personal goals?
- If you selected a competitive major, you have the option of selecting a second-choice major in the event you are not admitted to your first-choice major. Please address major and/or career goals for your second-choice major, if applicable.
Cultural Understanding
- Thoughtfully describe the ways in which culture has had an impact on your life and what you have learned about yourself and society as a result. How has your own cultural history enriched and/or challenged you?
NOTE: Culture may be defined broadly. Cultural understanding is often drawn from the ethnic background, customs, values, and ideas of a person's immediate family, community, and/or social environment in which they live.
Address the following topics if they apply to you: (optional)
Educational Challenges / Personal Hardships
- Describe any personal or imposed challenges or hardships you have overcome in pursuing your education. Examples: a serious illness, a disability, first generation in your family to attend college, significant financial hardship or responsibilities associated with balancing work, family and school.
Community, Military, or Volunteer Service
- Describe your community, military, or volunteer service, including leadership, awards, or increased levels of responsibility.
Experiential Learning
- Describe your involvement in research, artistic endeavors, and work (paid or volunteer), as they have contributed to your academic, career, or personal goals.
Other Comments
Do you have a compelling academic or personal need to attend the University of Washington-Seattle at this time?
Is there anything else you would like us to know?
My Essay:
To Learn and to Fix
Tears were falling after I got home from the third day of my new elementary school. I told my mother, "I haven't learned multiplication in my first year, but my current classmates can do multiplication." Ten years later, I read an online newspaper article claiming first-year elementary students in Papua province of Indonesia even did not know how to read and write. They also had to study in a classroom where its rooftop and wall were rotten accompanied with old and thin wooden tables and chairs. The problem still persists until today.
Because of such inequality, I decided that I want to make a foundation that will fund rural schools students' scholarships, infrastructure improvement of their schools, and the training of their teachers. My intended majors have not changed since then: accounting and finance. Both majors will get me closer to my goal, for I want to establish the foundation's financial first. I will be making high-return investments and use the profit as endowments to the foundation. Through studying accounting, I will understand the foundation's financial position.
One of the best countries to study accounting and finance is United States. Therefore, I made my mind that I want to pursue my education in America and gain as much experience and skills necessary for me to attain my personal goal. I chose to study my first two years of college career at Everett Community College and has planned to transfer to a four-year institution even before I set my foot on the U.S. ground. At my current college, I am pursuing my associate direct transfer degree in business. I have one class left for finishing my degree here, and am absolutely prepared to transfer to University of Washington and to gain my Bachelor of Arts in Business Administration from the UW's Michael G. Foster School of Business. By the end of this Winter quarter, I will have finished both the pre and post- admission courses requirements. In relation to my personal goal, the types of career that I want to pursue after graduating with my bachelor degree are an investment banker or an accountant. By working at an investment bank firm or an accounting firm, my experience in the field will significantly improve, and I will realize how real world accounting and finance career field look like.
"BEEP BEEP.. BEEP BEEP.. BEEP BEEP..." I stretch out my arm, reach a table by my bed, and turn my alarm off. While laying on my bed sober with my eyes closed, I slowly get my upper body up and have a sitting position on my bed. How long I stay in that position defines if I am going to be late for my job and class every morning. Although my primary role at my community college is student, I have taken several responsibilities throughout my study such as working on-campus, participating in club meetings, and volunteer services. My current college has been giving me many opportunities to develop myself not just academically but also individually. Having volunteered and represented my college in the community during my freshman year, as a tutor for a local middle school, has made me realize how important it is to speak clearly. Especially since English is my second language, I was developing my speaking skills together with my sense of patience when I helped middle school students with their homework. Starting my sophomore year, I work at two different departments on campus. I really enjoy working as a student ambassador for the college Student LIFE department and as an office assistant for the Workforce Funding department. From time to time, I develop my customer service skill, work ethics, and interpersonal skill. Talking with my co-workers, greeting students, be on time to work, showing up to staff meetings are several examples to illustrate my point. Throughout my time, I also have been helping incoming international students during their orientation week. I enjoy my time talking with them about their cultures and reasons of what brought them to the college. To sum it up, Everett Community College has given me chances to improve my speaking skill, meet with diverse people from different cultures, prepare me for transferring to a university, and develop both work ethics and people skill. If I had to start my college career again, I would start it all over again from EvCC.
As like many community colleges, my college mainly offers associate transfer degree to its students. And I also feel like the education I receive here has not prepared me for my career and goal. Therefore, transferring to the UW in Fall 2016 quarter will be the best move I can do for continuing my study in accounting and finance. As stated in the University of Washington's vision statement, the university educates a diverse population of students to become responsible world citizens and leaders through challenging learning environment taught by cutting-edge education. The UW offers diverse club organizations showing how the university respects variety of students from different background and culture. By this, I will be able to meet students from different places and learn more about them. Before coming to the United States, my mother made it important to me that I had to keep my distance with African-American people. She believed that these people were dangerous, ill-minded, and rude. Once I got here, my cultural understanding completely changed. It turns out that not all African-American people are bad just like what my mother said. They are really welcoming and I have made friends with some of them. Now I know that I cannot judge people by their ethnicity or preferences. Also as an international student, I certainly feel the UW is a welcoming environment to study. With the cutting-edge scholarship assurance and the fact that the Michael G. Foster School of Business is ranked as one of the top business schools in America, I have no doubt that majoring accounting and finance in the UW will prepare me for pursuing my career and goal. At the UW, I will be able to join more diverse club organizations and participating in job workshops or training. Meeting with new people will definitely enhance my people skill, and without saying, I have more connections that can support me.
With so many advantages the UW offers, I truly believe that my second-choice major will push me closer toward my goal. With economics, I will be able to understand my country's economic structure and markets. I will be aware of two things. The first is what kind of steps I need to take to interact with the investing market, so that I can multiply my funds, for the purpose of donating my profit to the foundation. The last is what kind of projects that the foundation can propose to the government considering that the country can cut some expense on a particular segment of the economy.
I know that the UW and Michael G. Foster School of Business will be the perfect places for me to start my goal. Not only I will feel comfortable to be part of them, I am also working toward my goal. Inspiration will be at every corner, and I will definitely make a responsible global citizen and leader who will give justice to Indonesia's education and save my people from poverty.
