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"learned many things from participating in varsity table tennis" - common app



thkern 4 / 16  
Dec 30, 2010   #1
I know that there are some mistakes so please help me ;)

I have learned many things from participating in varsity table tennis. It has changed my character and my attitude towards life. Before I started playing table tennis I was very shy and I was lacking self-confidence. I was also searching for some acknowledgment of my sport skills. My mum suggested me to talk to my best friend who plays table tennis. We thought that it might be the best for me to go to table tennis practice with him and try it. Because I was shy, we decided to meet outside the gym.

It was a rainy Wednesday evening and I got there late. So I thought that my friend was already inside the gym. However, when I entered the gym I didn't see my friend, only 30 people staring at me. I was so scared I couldn't move and I thought they are going to kill me with their glance, but a few seconds later I was relieved when the door opened a second time - my friend came. He introduced me to the others and we started practicing. Because there were not enough tables, I and my friend played doubles against another pair. We had a good time and I decided that I would join the team. However, during the practice, I noticed that I didn't play any offensive strokes, nor did I run towards the ball as fast as I could. The fact of the matter is that I didn't want to be the one that makes the mistake. I only played safe balls without any spin. I did not want to risk making any mistake. I didn't want to take the responsibility of helping my teammate because I was too afraid of making a mistake. That aspect of my character led the first two years. In school, I didn't ask any questions in class, afraid they might be considered too stupid by my classmates. In the meantime, I went to practice four times a week and I got home physically and mentally exhausted.

After two years of practice my coach granted me a spot in our varsity team. I excitedly and nervously looked forward to our first game. However, during our first game I realized that I was still not playing any offensive strokes which led to many mistakes, because I'm not a good defensive player, nor did I play with the right racket for it. Those mistakes were usually not significant and they hardly changed the outcome of the game, but my fear of making a mistake grew steadily. But there were also times when I played offensive strokes. When I played them, I won the game and I was congratulated for a great game. On such occasions, I was often unofficially awarded as the MVP.

During the following years, my coach practiced harder with me than with nobody else. First, I thought that this wasn't going anywhere and that he was just teasing me. But after a while, I realized that this has changed me. Now I played offensive strokes during a game and not only while I was practicing, so I was able to win most of my games. This eventually led to our promotion into the next higher league. My coach taught me how to fight my shyness.

Through table tennis I gained self-confidence and my sport skills got acknowledged especially by newspapers. During the hard and long practices, I have gained a hard work ethic. As a necessary to communicate during the game I have learned to work well in a group with others. In addition, I have also learned what it takes to succeed and that it isn't important if I fail I just have to try again and do it better. Thus, I know that I sometimes have to risk failure in order to gain success.

Those new aspects of my character have helped me a lot lately. I think they have helped me the most during my exchange. I was able to talk to everybody which was unimaginable a few years before and I was also able to get in touch with all kinds of people through this. My friends there would describe me as an outspoken person with a lot of self-confidence. But I didn't only gain a lot of friends there; furthermore, my newfound confidence helped me while participating in a soccer team in the US during my exchange. My position as a left midfielder led me to play every game and I knew that I might have to risk a mistake in order to shoot a goal. Eventually, through the acceptance of this, I took a small risk during the game and I was able to score and we were able to win the game.

issallme5 2 / 35  
Dec 30, 2010   #2
"my coach practiced with me as hard as with nobody else" awkward phrase.
My coach practiced harder with me than with anybody else...or something less awkward.
I think overall this essay really tells a lot about you :) Through table tennis the readers learn that you overcame your fear etc.
I think in some of your sentences the wording is a bit awkward.
"I was excitedly and nervously looking forward to our first game."
I excitedly and nervously looked forward to our first game.
Just a suggestion :)

I'm going to post my common app soon, could you please take a look at it?
thanx
OP thkern 4 / 16  
Dec 30, 2010   #3
thanks ;) I'll take a look at yours ;)

could you or someone else try to improve these sentences:
"I only played safe balls without any spin to not risk making a fault."

"However, during our first game I realized that I was still not playing any offensive strokes which led to many mistakes, because I'm not a good defensive player, nor did I play with the right racket for it."

They just sound wrong to me.

any other comments or critiques?
issallme5 2 / 35  
Dec 30, 2010   #4
I played safe balls without any spins because I did not want to risk making a mistake. or
I played safe balls without any spins. I did not want to risk making any mistake. (more dramatic)

Try to chop up your sentences to make them more clear. :)
OP thkern 4 / 16  
Dec 30, 2010   #5
Thank you so much ;)

any other comments or critiques?
OP thkern 4 / 16  
Dec 30, 2010   #6
I still think that this essay needs some improvements...please help ;)
if you comment on my essay i'll comment on yours ;)
mhjohnson05 3 / 4  
Dec 30, 2010   #7
some of the sentences are awkward and too lengthy
OP thkern 4 / 16  
Dec 31, 2010   #8
I NEED MORE CRITIQUES PLEASE HELP ME!
I THINK THAT THIS ESSAY COULD BE WAY BETTER!
I'll edit yours if you edit mine :)
OP thkern 4 / 16  
Dec 31, 2010   #9
ok I edited my essay again and again so here is my final draft could you please try to improve it and comment on it...if you do so i'll take a look at yours

I think the last paragraph needs to be improved ;)

do you think that I jump between thoughts too often?

Participation in varsity table tennis has taught my many things ...
OP thkern 4 / 16  
Dec 31, 2010   #10
@srlee1992: I wanted to tell the reader an example when my new character made a difference. I don't know how to write it the way you want me to -.-

anyone else? I really need some comments/critique on this one
I'll edit your essay too!
OP thkern 4 / 16  
Dec 31, 2010   #11
so I have replace 'too stupid' with unwise

I think that I have improved the connection between the last two paragraphs with placing 'Those new aspect of my character have helped me a lot lately.' as the first sentence of the last paragraph...what do you think?

but I still don't have a glue who to make my ending more 'oomph'...i am not even sure if i understand what you mean by 'oomph'

oh and I'll take a look at your essays as soon as I have finished this one ;)


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