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Learning in the school of life - College essay



Louisatiara 2 / 5  
Nov 16, 2014   #1
This is a really rough first draft.Any feedbacks,critiques and grammatical revisions would be much appreciated!

I read the writing on the billboard as soon as I arrived, "School of Life." The name implicitly says it all, I indirectly pictured about the school that literally teaches us about life, that doesn't merely give us logarithms or algebras, that doesn't force us to calculate Newton's theory and do a myriad of homework as a daily basis. I imagined that this is a school that teaches how to live in life, how to survive better, how to be an initially good person, how to not be a burden for the society. This school is a home to the most abandoned people of the abandoned. Not only all the people here are abandoned, they are also 'gifted' with exceptional disabilities. I was here because my school had arranged a 3-day 'excursion' to this place, and I'm not here to simply drop by or to have a sight-seeing, I'm here for a significant mission, I'm here to serve them, to live with them, and to love them.

These people are not merely blind, or crippled, or deaf, most of them had severe torments that scattered their hearts, bodies, and soul caused by being unwanted and rejected by the society. My first day was quite a major shock since I have never been among such a group of mentally ill people. To be honest, I felt quite uneasy at first. We had to feed, bath and nurture those people, which is obviously not as easy as it seems. Their deeds had never failed to amuse me. Sometimes they would bang their heads to the wall for no apparent reason, sometimes they would cry and laugh in a baffling way, some of them would suddenly get naked. When I fed them, they literally would eat anything on the floor, and the most astounding thing, they would poop all over the place. As I said, none of this people were normal.

I coped with this situation for exactly 72 hours, which succeeded to create a remarkable change in my point of view. Gradually, I felt some sort of empathy to them. Maria is one of the 'student' I've been taking care of. She punched her head occasionally, and I always tried to hold her hands to prevent her deed. She also pooped all over the place that her body was coated with a stench smell. That day, I was feeding her and she was distracted as always, she was staring at some half dried scrapes on her arms, and to my surprise, she tore it up and ate it. I totally winced in pain seeing that movement and I totally felt awful. Maria casually munched it on like a cookie, she didn't even flinch a bit. I wonder how immense the pain that Maria had felt that she lost her mind and finally felt numb like this. I wonder who had caused Maria to be like this. I could not bear the sadness, I could not comprehend the fact.

This was the first time I mingled with the rejected and lost. I learned that the world has been really despicable to them. Some of them were once brokenhearted, raped, or stressed, and nothing had been able to mend their hearts. They have been irreparably broken.

I learned that people in this life need to acquire love and feel they are worthwhile. I'm lucky to be showered with love and a remarkably supportive environment. Sadly, some people are not. I learned to love and support people around me, and appreciate them as whole. 'School of life' taught me that my compassion and care was worthwhile for them. It taught me to appreciate the community. I'm eager to contribute in the community of University of Washington. I'm eager to share my values, experience and culture to enrich the community. Lastly, I initially hope that people would appreciate and be compassionate to people who are abandoned and rejected. Your presence give them hope, no matter how slight it is.

vangiespen - / 4077  
Nov 17, 2014   #2
Louisa, what is the prompt you are trying to answer with this essay? It is kind of hard to decide how well or not you wrote this essay without any basis for comparison regarding your answers. I hope that you can supply that prompt to us as soon as you can :-) There are a lot of adventures going on in this essay which are inter related but I am not sure if they are relevant to the prompt as this point. Basically, this is a better effort at writing an essay than your previous one although it can use some tightening and grammar advice. All of which I will provide to you once I know what direction to help you bring the essay in :-) I am looking forward to finding out what the prompt is so that we can get started on editing this :-)
OP Louisatiara 2 / 5  
Nov 18, 2014   #3
Thankyou for reading both of my essays 😊 you're such a big help!
so here's the prompt.
Describe an experience of cultural difference or insensitivity you have had or observed. What did you learn from it?
You may define culture broadly in Topic #2. For example, it may include ethnicity, customs, values, and ideas, all of which contribute to experiences that students can share with others in college. As you reply to this question, reflect on what you have learned - about yourself and society - from an experience of cultural difference.


I actually am quite confused on making the conclusion paragraph. Do you have any suggestion what should I emphasize about?
vangiespen - / 4077  
Nov 18, 2014   #4
Louisa, here is my advice. Name the place that you went to aside from "The School of Life", then reorganize the essay to explain that the women in the shelter were abused by society in certain ways. Explaining that their state in life, the madness, catatonic state, or detachment from the real world was brought about by the indifference that they experienced at the hands of people who were supposed to care for their well being. As you discuss the status of "Maria", make sure that you reveal how you felt about each situation. What was your first impression when you first met her? Did that change over the time that you spent with her due to the way that you observed her actions? By the end of the 72 hours, were you able to learn something about her that was able to help you reach out to her in a way? How did the whole experience affect you as a person? Did it change your mindset about the "throw away" members of society? Delve deeper into your conscience and present the lessons that you took away from the experience, then sum it all up in a few sentences to complete your conclusion. Try to revise the essay, I am sure you can do it :-)


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