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What led me to choose psychology - UMich Academic Interest



rmultaputri 1 / 1  
Jan 21, 2010   #1
Thank you for reading my essay! It should be around 250 words, but I have 263. How can I make it shorter? Please write any thoughts and advices on the overall essay too, I need them. Thanks again!

College of Literature, Science, and the Arts (LSA): (250 words) What led you to choose the area(s) of academic interest that you have listed in your application to the University of Michigan? If you are undecided, what areas are you most interested in, and why?

When I was a little girl, I imagined myself having the ability of mind-reading. I have always been interested to know what people are thinking or what makes them do certain things. In a dentist's room or a restaurant my 8-year-old self could not help but stared at people in what I hoped a discreet manner. Little details, like the way their bored eyes darted across the room or the way they scratched their heads searching for answers, fascinated me. Often, I would play a solitary guessing game, trying to comprehend their situations.

As I grew older, I have abandoned my fantasy of having the superpower, but my intention remains the same. I regard human beings as highly complex creatures, complete with convoluted thoughts hidden beneath deceiving exterior. I realize that people can not be analyzed mathematically, sometimes even logically. With people, there are no sets of fixed answers, nor will there ever be. In a strange way, this fact excites me and calms me, for I am guaranteed that I will never run out of things to learn.

My childhood enthrallment has developed into a more serious interest as my curiosity of observing people intensified. I grow to love listening to people's stories, learning how they think, and analyzing and identifying reasons of their doings.

The ongoing quest of understanding people cultivated the desire in me to learn the subject formally. Looking back, I am certain that studying Psychology at the university seems very reasonable, even engaging. After all, it is authenticating the innocent dream of my eight-year-old self.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jan 23, 2010   #2
You can reduce the word count by streamlining the first paragraph. "When I was a little girl" is a little cliched... you can express the point you make in that first para without explaining so much. Consider cutting some:

When I was a little girl, I imagined myself having the ability of mind-reading. I have always been interested to know what people are thinking and what makes them do certain things. In a dentist's room or a restaurant, my 8-year-old self could not help but stare at people in what I hoped was a discreet manner. Little details, like the way their bored eyes darted across the room or the way they scratched their heads searching for answers, fascinated me. Often, I would play a solitary guessing game, trying to comprehend their situations. (now add a sentence that tells about the school of thought in psychology that attracts you most, and the setting in which you might like to work. End the first para with this expression of your intentions.

then, paragraph 2:
As I grew older, I have abandoned my...

I don't want to cut out any sentences, because they are all so well-written. You will be a great psychologist because you have such command over language.

:-)
OP rmultaputri 1 / 1  
Jan 23, 2010   #3
wow thank you Kevin, I appreciate your advice.


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