'Lego blocks are piled up besides my bed.' NYU supplemental essay

Topic: NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold. What can NYU offer you, and what can you offer NYU?

Lego blocks are piled up besides my bed. I have this LEGO MINDSTROM set since junior high school. When my father bought me this set, I was blissful and couldn't wait to try out every part of this set. I used every elements included in the set. Following a building manual, I built up amazing stuffs such as electric guitar, top spinner and so on. LEGO set provides me a platform to create. NYU can offer a even higher platform to me, helping me to fuel my enthusiasm towards robotics. As a self-learner, I searched online to find more ideas and instructions for utilizing my LEGO set, but I couldn't find much information about LEGO in Chinese. Nevertheless, after I knew how to use VPN and got access to Google search engine, I felt like Christopher Columbus, discovering a new world. I found a plethora of building guides and instructions in English. And I joined a few forums to discuss the problems I faced. Through all those process to construct robots I realized how important it is to have a community that shares the same enthusiasm as yours with people willing to help. I believe NYU Shanghai is one of this kind of community where students are creative, and willing to help each other. Not to mention that NYU Shanghai has one of the best global circumstances in China, with students from over 100 different countries all contributing their skills and abilities.

Introverted as they seem, they are of high intellct and full energy. As a constructor of robots, I have similar characteristics - hardworking, intelligent, energetic and one more than them, introspective. Self-contemplation is one of my daily habits. I always wonder in the evening what I have learned during daytime. These are the qualities I will bring to NYU Shanghai.

The multicultural environment and plethora of academic choices at NYU bring together both intellect and creativity providing an atmosphere for growth. The pursuance of international cooperation coincides my intention. I look forward to visiting campus and exploring the city.

Dear xdx24,

This is strewn with incorrect grammar. I will try and correct it when I do get the time.

I have this LEGO MINDSTROM set since junior high school. - I have had

I like the theme of your essay and community and the difference it made for you. Your interest in robots demonstrates a curiosity which is good. Shorten the sentence length - it makes it easier for admissions officers to read.

Cheers,

hey i think this is a great essay with a very good theme using robots. It shows that ur passionate and curious about things. A slight suggestion would be to elaborate more on the "what you can offer to NYU part", I get that u will be bring self-contemplation to NYU, but how does that benefit NYU as a whole? how will your introspection contribute to NYU?

Well, I think I used robot as a metaphor for myself. So when I mentioned robtos do all the arduous work, I actually want to mean that I am as hard-working as robots. Is it too obscure? And to be honest, except my academic ability, I am not sure how I can benefit NYU Shanghai. Of course, I will contribute to NYU community and help others, but I think only when I have made some breakthroughs in the field, then I am able to say that that my introspection contributed to NYU. Otherwise, I suppose it's just a kind of characteristic that I have.


--> Introverted as they seem, they are of high intellct and full energy. As a constructor of robots, I have similar characteristics - hardworking, intelligent, energetic and one more than them, introspective. Self-contemplation is one of my daily habits. I always wonder in the evening what I have learned during daytime. These are the qualities I will bring to NYU Shanghai.

So is this expression a bit better? Please check for grammatical errors. Thanks! :D

I had this LEGO MINDSTROM set since junior high school.
I used every element included in the set. Following a building manual, I built amazing stuffs (find another word) such as electric guitar, top spinner and so on.

I believe NYU Shanghai is a type of community where students are creative and are willing to help each other.

I look forward to visiting the campus and exploring the city.

I correct the grammatical essays that are within your essay. If i were you, I would include more information on what you can offer NYU. If you did not go over the limit, research the program that you are interested in and why that program is perfect for you. Thank you for your input on my essay!