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"lesson of responsibility and humility" - a person who has influenced you



alcy2793 2 / 2  
Sep 25, 2011   #1
Rubbish! That was how Mr. Tay described my class's haphazard job repainting the school walls. As class monitor, I was responsible for this mess. However, I had no excuse and he knew it. The whole school watched as he mercilessly tore me apart with rhetorical questions to which I could only muster a pathetic "sorry". It was humiliating.

Barely a week as new principal, he had already stepped on my toes. To make matters worse, he assigned himself as my class's new additional mathematics teacher. I, along with the other "rebels", wasted no time showing my indignation. Cold stares and brusque replies became my modus operandi in his class. I even refused to attend the extra classes he conducted.

Nevertheless, things would change. In the midyear examinations, I ranked 5th overall in the class but i was appalled by my atrocious addmaths results. Maths was one of my stronger subjects so I had high hopes of scoring well for addmaths as well. To my horror, I was the worst student in the class scoring a meager 66%. I was convinced those digits were the work of the devil, the only devil I knew. I scanned the paper thoroughly many times but the marking was flawless.

While my parents endorsed my belief in self-help, they thought it was best I attended Mr. Tay's free revision classes after the midyear break. However, he wouldn't allow me into his class. He said: " You come into my class with the nerve to disrespect me and you dare call yourself a monitor? I'd rather teach 10 spastics than a student who is unwilling to learn". If only I had thicker skin, those words wouldn't feel like lacerations.

That night, I couldn't sleep. His words were eating me inside. I hated that he was right. My peers only elected me as monitor because I was nonchalant. It was a bitter pill to swallow but in that moment, I yearned to prove him wrong and gain his acceptance.

The inimical gestures were now replaced with respect and acknowledgement. I participated more in class and offered to carry his books. The "rebels" weren't please but I remained resolute. I can still remember his smirk, which screamed "I'm winning!" I hated that smirk.

The following month, I became one of the pioneers of the school's new Board of Monitors. Immediately, I knew what I had to do and the other monitors agreed. We began raising funds through bake sales in order to buy paint. With the help of my class, we not only fixed the patchy walls, we even added murals emphasizing his principles. We stood in front of those walls the next morning. "Now this is a proper apology!" he said. As he leaned forward to embrace me, he whispered to my ear, "Don't be late today".

Mr. Tay taught me a valuable lesson of responsibility and humility. For that, I will forever be in his debt.

Please review and correct anything wrong. A few of my friends think it is rather bland. I can't help but feel the same.500 words is pretty hard to articulate the minor anecdotes that happened..so i just abridged it. Writing isn't really a strong suit of mine either. Please be as harsh as harsh can be!

Paul Jo 6 / 28  
Sep 25, 2011   #2
I enjoyed reading your essay Arnold. It was quite good.

'Maths was one of my stronger' - Math was one of my strongest

'It was a bitter pill to swallow' - great descriptive writing!

'Barely a week as new principal' - Barely a week as a new principal

'I knew what I had to do and the other monitors agreed.' - I cannot understand what are you trying to say.

'we not only fixed the patchy walls, we even added murals' - we not only fixed the patchy walls, but also added murals

Wish you luck!

:)
OP alcy2793 2 / 2  
Sep 25, 2011   #3
I knew what I had to do and the other monitors agreed.' - I cannot understand what are you trying to say.

Yeah, when I read it now i can see how fail that sentence is. I assumed the reader knew what was going through my mind ( fixing the patchy walls )

Thank you Paul!
leonardjo 3 / 4  
Oct 20, 2011   #4
Nice work Arnold! Though your essay is kind of short, but I think it's well organized and fully reflect the impression and lesson you want to deliver to the readers.

However, as the topic is frequently chosen by other students as well, your essay can be improved if you can make the opening more eye-catching.

Good luck!


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