1. How'd you like to learn about by attending this conference?

Hello, please correct me.

making a society better

Men should not be isolated from society as we, aren't just born for ourselves but also living for others. Here, our world has been becoming devastation day by day. Hate speeches', discrimination of race, and wars are more growing to the way of the endless of conflicts. Causes of globalization creates hypocrite people and selfish which also makes less of love because people only can see what they need to survive for a day. At this time, I heard fortunately that this conference makes me an inspiration of making a better society. As people mentioned like that 'Youth is the leader of tomorrow', we have the invisible power of making to change. I hope that if I have a chance to participant in this conference, it would make me more confident and peace maker of our community.

Thanks
Van Bawi Mang

Van, I can't really help you with regards to adjusting the content of your essay because you have not given me enough information about the background of the topic. The first thing I need to know is the name of the conference, then you need to give me an idea as to what the objective of the conference is. Those are the two most important factors that can help me in assessing your essay. Another factor that i need to consider is what the full prompt requirement is. I am not sure about how to respond to this essay because of the lack of background information. I hope you can provide me with some idea regarding the specifics of this conference so that I can better evaluate your essay for content and acceptability as an application paper.

Thank you for reply Holt.
I am so sorry for posting without explained my essay. I put the aim of the conference at below, please help me as mush as you can.

Thank you.

Van Bawi Mang

" The aim of the conference is to work for peace and empowerment by connecting youth from different communities to work together. " If you attend we hope you will;

* develop confidence, self-esteen, communication and leadership skills
* Share you own experiences, challenges you have faced, and strategies for overcoming these challenges
* learn about other culture, and how to work effectively with others for the common good.
* Explore important ideas such as peace and identity
* Develop skills for reconciliation, conflict management, problem solving and building community
* Plan actions to initiate positive change in your own communities after the conference.

Van, based upon the instructions / expectations of the conference hosts, it seems that there is a particular set of criteria that they hope the participants can meet. I would like to call your attention to these qualities in order to have you better reflect these in your application essay.

You have to tell the reader that you would be highly interested in attending this conference because you would like to build upon your relevant experiences to the field / conference topic. From there, you can explain some things such as your ideas regarding peace and identity by sharing your relevant experience in that field. It would also be helpful to your application should you be able to share some of your community service experience in relation to the common good reference in the conference description.

By writing a totally new essay that will address some of the conference expectations of its participants, you will be able to better reflect the foundation of your interest in attending the conference. Now, there may or may not be a word requirement for this essay. All I can tell you about that is that you should adhere to it whenever possible. Your current essay is too short and not relevant to the prompt description. I hope that you can expand upon the areas that I have indicated above. That way you can better represent yourself as a potential participant of this conference.