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I never liked to be out of the loop- NYU Supplement/ What Intrigues You?



Felicia1995 2 / 2  
Dec 28, 2012   #1
There's a 1500 character limit that I'm under by about 150. I know the ending's a little cheesy, so I'm wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how to change it?

I'm up for any kind of criticism.

What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.

The familiar theme music rings through my house. "Da da da da da da DAAA. DAA DAA DAA." Then a familiar voice introduces itself, welcoming the nightly news into my home. This has been a ritual in my home for as long as I can remember. These news anchors have joined us for dinner so many times that they are practically family. When I was younger I dreaded the 5 o' clock timeslot because I was constantly wishing that I could continue watching cartoons. But I realize now the interest that it has sparked in me. It has encouraged me to stay informed because it always seemed that the nights we missed the news were the nights that the most important stuff seemed to happen. I never liked to be out of the loop. It also forced me to ask some serious questions. When I heard about horrific crimes I would immediately think "Well why do they think they can do that?"

"What could possibly make someone want to kill someone else?"
"Why didn't anyone try and stop them?"
I was constantly wondering how other people thought and how they became the people they are. The news has sparked more controversy in my own thoughts than anything else; it has made me see from many different viewpoints and has forced me to experience things I could never imagine. But without the push into the harsh real world that it has given me, I wouldn't possibly be the same person I am today.

Jojolocomoco 2 / 4  
Dec 28, 2012   #2
But I realize now the interest that it has sparked in me

Try not to start off a sentence with the word "But". Also maybe get rid of the "When I was younger" sentence because watching cartoons never ties back into your essay so it is kind of irrelevant.
nounouboo 3 / 6  
Dec 28, 2012   #3
When describing the news be more descriptive, like say the channel or something. When you say now i realized the interest it's sparked in me, before that say how over time, growing up and listening more and more to global and local news, i realized the interest blah blah blah

please help on my NYU supplement too!


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