"to live the best life they can" - Extracurricular Activities or Work Experiences

Any tips or corrections/feedback? Thanks!

I take much of what I have for granted. My ability to walk, to think, and to communicate with others all seem as innate as breathing. My experience at Camp Sunshine opened my eyes to another perspective on life. Many of the young children I worked with will never be fully independent; they will always have to rely on the care of another for survival in this world. They are prisoners within their own bodies, not defined by their disabilities but still shackled by them. Yet, there are always smiles at Sunshine. These children and young adults do not dwell in self-pity. They seek to surmount their physical and cognitive limitations to live the best life they can. I wish to be like them. I wish to be capable of staring down an unrelenting challenge from day-to-day, to appreciate what I do have, and to smile regardless of my circumstances.

I take much of what I have for granted.---How about, "I have always taken much of what I have for granted; my ability..."

My experience at Camp Sunshine though,has opened my eyes to another perspective on life.

They are prisoners within their own bodies, not defined by their disabilities but still shackled by them.---Wow, this is a very powerful sentence!

Have fun in school and good luck!

:)

Hello,

The infinitive phrase, "to communicate", may be unnecessary. Ensure this phrase is required in your sentence. Consider replacing it with a finite verb or noun phrase.

Using infinitive phrases can make your writing appear more formal, but may also clutter it unnecessarily. Clearly identify the infinitive phrases (which include verbs beginning with "to"). Consider re-writing this phrase as a finite verb or a short noun phrase.

Incorrect: The responsibility of a parent is to ensure the health and safety of their child, as well as to provide an environment of happiness.

This sentence could be otherwise written: "A parent must ensure their child is healthy, safe, and in a happy environment."

Also, I am not sure exactly what message you are trying to convey with this essay. We can help you fix this..

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