UC prompt #1- "lived in one town my whole life"

Prompt #1

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I have lived in one town my whole life. Everyone in this town lives in a two-story house and for the most part is fortunate. There are many movie theatres nearby and the nearest amusement park is no that far of a drive. I would not hesitate to call the world I grew up in a suburban paradise. All the schools are blue-ribbon award winning and are ranked high among other public schools in California, and my high school offers a lot more opportunities than most others. I live in a small community, which people call the "bubble." Everyone is very close to each other and if something is going on in our town, everyone knows about it. I guess this would be one problem with living in such a small community because everyone is caught up with what is going on with others than what is going on with them. Living in a small town can have its downside but there are many things I like about it too. With a graduating class of only three hundred kids, I pretty much know everyone in my grade. I like having this sense of closeness to everyone because it creates close personal relationships to each person. I have been very fortunate of where I grew up with little to complain about.

I come from a big family. During the holidays, my whole family comes and eats at my grandmother's house on Christmas Day. We usually have around fifty people there. I think that it's really special how we can all come together to celebrate the holidays and spend time together. I try not to take anything for granted, knowing what other people have had to go through. My mother's parents came here to America from Italy after World War II. At first they struggled, but they stuck with it and eventually accomplished what they wanted by started a family and living in America. They have given me the same drive to work for what I want and take the opportunities that life throws at me. Knowing how hard my grandparents' worked to create a good life for my parents and what my parents have done for me inspires me to work hard and always try my best.

Seeing how my grandparents' could get through times of hardship have taught me to keep a strong work ethic and a positive outlook on life. Using what I have learned from the world around me will teach me to succeed in life and to discover my passion.

Good morning :)

First, make sure that you really are writing what you mean to say. For instance, did you mean "...nearest amusement park is not that far of a drive"? Look through your piece carefully for errors such as this one before final submission.

Is "Day" a proper noun? Should it be capitalized?

Avoid contractions in formal academic writing; "it's" should be "it is."

I don't think your conclusion really applies to your paper. In it, you discuss your grandparents' importance to you, but your paper doesn't refer to them until the last two paragraphs. Your conclusion should reiterate all of the main points you wrote of in your paper and not introduce new information. In this case, it should discuss your home and all of your family. Make sure that it really fits the paper you wrote.

Regards,
Gloria
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