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Living alone has taught me to become more independent; Gap Year


Dabbagh 7 / 11 1  
Dec 27, 2012   #1
I graduate high school in 2012 and am currently applying for schools to enroll in fall of 2013. I am taking a gap year, which is basically a year in between high and university that a lot of international students take to better ready them for college. I need it proof-read because I barely have any time to work on the gazillion other essays I am assigned. Here it is:

After my high school graduation, I was enrolled in King Abdullah University of Science and Technology's KAUST Gifted Student Program (KGSP). KAUST is a new world-class postgraduate research university located in Saudi Arabia, globally attracting top STEM field faculty and student talent. The KGSP scholarship was established to assure a source of highly talented Saudi graduates, holding bachelor's degrees from leading undergraduate programs, for its masters of Science degree programs. I was among the top secondary school graduates in 2012 to receive this prestigious award which includes a year of foundation postsecondary training and four years of undergraduate study in the United States.

I am currently enrolled in a foundation year program at University of Pennsylvania that ultimately prepares students for success at a STEM bachelor degree program in the U.S. Coursework focuses on preparation for university admission tests, review of math skills, strengthening of English language skills, freshman level science courses, academic English, time management and critical thinking skills. This will help me in many ways since I studied high school completely in Arabic. Taking academic courses in English will help me such that it will not be something I will need to get used to once I'm enrolled in college.

My first semester, which started in September and ends in December, focuses mainly on TOEFL and SAT test preparation, advanced English, and math. I have taken the SAT and TOEFL tests and I plan to take the SAT in December and January.

The second semester, which starts in January and ends in May, will consist of an advanced academic writing course, a Calculus course and a non-credit, college-level science course with lab. The academic writing course will focus solely on teaching me how to write academic essays and research papers more efficiently; a key skill that I will need in my studies. The science and Calculus courses will take place at the University of Pennsylvania. This will benefit me since I will be studying with current college students in an Ivy League university classroom environment. In addition, I will be exposed to a wide variety of lab techniques that I will be using in college.

Aside from academics, I have learned a lot upon spending my time here. Living alone has taught me to become more independent. I learned how to keep a balance between everyday chores and school. I manage my time much better than I used to. Also, living on the University of Pennsylvania campus has gotten me used to being surrounded by a college setting. I have met a lot of students and joined several clubs that the university offers. Doing so has made me an active element of the college community. This will strengthen my college experience because I will have already adapted to life on campus when I start school next fall.

Thanks in advance!

Karla281995 6 / 15 1  
Dec 28, 2012   #2
I was enrolled in to King Abdullah University

The KGSP scholarship was established to assure a source of highly talented Saudi graduates, holding bachelor's degrees from leading undergraduate programs, for its masters of Science degree programs.

This sentence needs work it's almost a runoff. It took me a couple of tries to understand. Make sure when you have parenthetical elements like )Kayla, who was in the second grade, loved to eat Icecream )That if you take out who was in the second grade , it still makes sense.

at the University of Pennsylvania

will consist of an advanced academic writing course, a Calculus course and a non-credit, college-level science course with lab.
I don't think that comma is needed

This will benefit me since I will be studying with current college students in an Ivy League university classroom environment.
I understand what you're trying to say, but it doesn't flow well at the end of the sentence. Read it out loud.

I manage my time much better than I used to.
You can make this a stronger sentence. Right now it's like blah

Also, living on the University of Pennsylvania campus has gotten me used to being surrounded by a college setting.
This sentence also doesn't flow well because of the University of Penn. part. Maybe try living on campus, has gotten me used to being surrounded by a college setting.

I have met a lot of students
Stronger! Show them how this experience has really had an impact on you. A lot doesn't do it.

Overall great job! I hope I helped
Good luck
P.S you should return the favor!


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