This is for the common application,
this essay should be 150 words or less
i am stuck at the 300's and really need help cutting it down,
any writing tips or comments/corrections will also be greatly appreciated
Thanks in advance :)
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences
Outside of school I have a strong commitment to my circus training, in fact, I have been preforming professionally since the age of fifteen. Circus gives me a great opportunity to perform, and allows me to do what I never would have been able to otherwise. Through circus I can swing and climb doing amazing things at great heights in the air. I hang by my neck, do crazy flexibility tricks, balance on the top of a 20 feet high pole while doing a hand stand, tumble, and climbing on silks hanging from the sealing doing drops in which I end up with my head but a few inches from the ground.
My circus teacher, 85 year old, ____________ is a seventh generation circus performer who grew up in a traveling circus, and was one of the top and most skilled circus performers in the world. There are very few people who possess as much knowledge about circus as him. Because of that, _______ would work only with the people he picks himself, ones that 'deemed fit', showing enough passion and determination for him to put time and effort into; 'the best of the best'. It took nearly a year and a half of training until Pietro noticed me, with another half a year for him to decide to train me.
I have done many shows with performers from Ringling Brothers and Cirque de Soleil (the world's top circuses). Circus gives me a great physical workout and teaches responsibility and discipline.
In circus I am responsible for my safety as well as for that of the others around me, when you are so high in the air you can't allow yourself to be careless, even for a moment. Further then just being a 'professional performer', the acts I do are exceptionally rare due to their extreme difficulty, which is even more impressive considering my young age.
My brother and I do an act called 'hanging perch', something very few people can do, and most performers have never even seen before; and for a good reason, this act is extremely painful and difficult. In example, at one point of the act I am hanging in the air, spinning by my neck, off of my brother's neck, who is hanging upside-down by his foot. Things like this are hard to put into words, but worth every minute. There is nothing more freeing than being in the air.
does it flow well? and sound as impressive as i hope?
how do I cut it down??
this essay should be 150 words or less
i am stuck at the 300's and really need help cutting it down,
any writing tips or comments/corrections will also be greatly appreciated
Thanks in advance :)
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences
Outside of school I have a strong commitment to my circus training, in fact, I have been preforming professionally since the age of fifteen. Circus gives me a great opportunity to perform, and allows me to do what I never would have been able to otherwise. Through circus I can swing and climb doing amazing things at great heights in the air. I hang by my neck, do crazy flexibility tricks, balance on the top of a 20 feet high pole while doing a hand stand, tumble, and climbing on silks hanging from the sealing doing drops in which I end up with my head but a few inches from the ground.
My circus teacher, 85 year old, ____________ is a seventh generation circus performer who grew up in a traveling circus, and was one of the top and most skilled circus performers in the world. There are very few people who possess as much knowledge about circus as him. Because of that, _______ would work only with the people he picks himself, ones that 'deemed fit', showing enough passion and determination for him to put time and effort into; 'the best of the best'. It took nearly a year and a half of training until Pietro noticed me, with another half a year for him to decide to train me.
I have done many shows with performers from Ringling Brothers and Cirque de Soleil (the world's top circuses). Circus gives me a great physical workout and teaches responsibility and discipline.
In circus I am responsible for my safety as well as for that of the others around me, when you are so high in the air you can't allow yourself to be careless, even for a moment. Further then just being a 'professional performer', the acts I do are exceptionally rare due to their extreme difficulty, which is even more impressive considering my young age.
My brother and I do an act called 'hanging perch', something very few people can do, and most performers have never even seen before; and for a good reason, this act is extremely painful and difficult. In example, at one point of the act I am hanging in the air, spinning by my neck, off of my brother's neck, who is hanging upside-down by his foot. Things like this are hard to put into words, but worth every minute. There is nothing more freeing than being in the air.
does it flow well? and sound as impressive as i hope?
how do I cut it down??