Here goes, and thanks for stopping by.
I would like feedback/critique on my common application essay based on content, grammar and overall readability. Was it terribly boring, ordinary, good, bad, whatever - I would really like to hear your opinion of it, so don't hold back. Also if the title is okay as is, or if you have any suggestion, feel free to mention it. Thank you!
PROMPT: Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence. [250-500words]
POTENTIAL TITLE:'Cynical Love'
It was love at second listen.
I was shocked by my profession and how glibly it had rolled off of my usually guarded tongue. For a dedicated cynic who believed naught of 'love' and its follies, I was confounded by how instantaneous and inexplicable the sensation was. In a snap, my once utterly cliché and lacklustre life, as varying as a scratch record, transformed into sheer brilliance. I was forcibly wrenched from the mind-numbing depths of boring and uninteresting melodies with shallow and meaningless lyrics and submerged into beautiful and enchanting music, the likes of which I had never encountered before.
In popped Marina Lambrini Diamondis, my very own prince charming who, under the alias Marina and the Diamonds (MD), has liberated me from the drudgery of pop music and its pervasive nature, one intense song at a time. It seemed more than coincidental yet downright impossible that one musician's lyrics perfectly epitomized my idiosyncratic thoughts and ideas but I found myself relating to every MD song I could find.
Always one to introspect when posed with a predicament, my gut reaction was always to stifle all emotions. I associated emotions with weaknesses, but through Marina's profound lyrics along with the catchy yet erratic beats and, the sharp, unexpected lilt of her voice, I have come to the realization that emotions should be experienced in their entirety: unrestrained and unreservedly. The emotionless void that had consumed me, no longer had its steely grip on me and I am now better able to handle my own emotions as well as others.
READ BELOW
The emotionless void that had consumed me, no longer had its steely grip on me and I am now better able to handle my own emotions as well as others' . Do you mean controlling the emotions of other people here? because if you do you need that apostrophe
Marina admits to having been terribly awkward for a long time and that she had desperately wanted to fit in, but with the creation of MD she found a space where she belonged: 'I am Marina. You are the Diamonds'.
I like it, good usage of vocabulary
why do you call yourself a cynic? that might not be good to tell a college, that you see yourself as a cynic or as a past misanthrope. maybe say skeptical? or a harsh judge?
Patrick
Thanks.
It's supposed to show how I used to tamp down on my personality/weirdness because I wanted to be accepted/to fit in, but since listening to her music I've realized that I should be who I am regardless -basically to live without fear of what others think of me. Also that I have come to grips with my emotions and now embrace them rather than completely ignore them. Both of these has made me a stronger individual, coming to grip with my emotions has enabled me to better deal with my problems as well as other persons and I enjoy life more because I am not trying to be what I think others expect.
That was what I was trying to show. Don't know if you get that.
Denise
Thank you.
I meant that I could better understand and react to persons emotions. Maybe I should reword that entire sentence, it does sound mighty confusing.
Thank you, I was hoping the vocab would flow well.
Why does cynical have to be associated with something bad. Mhmmm, I will change it to skeptic though, I guess that's a lot less harsh.
