Hi, I'm french and I'dd like to apply to American Universities. I'm applying on the Common Application website and they're asking me to elaborate on one of my extracurricular activities or work experiences. So here what I started writing :
I personally love all kind of sports. I am in the athletics team of Monaco since I'm 13 and I'm specialised in cross-county. I also did Aikido, diving, circus, and 3 years of gymnastics but athlectis really enabled me to see what I'm capable of. Perseverance, dedication, and endurance are the three keywords that I would retain thoughout this experience.
That's all I came out with for the moment ... and It's not great, and way to short .. Could someone help me a little ?
You would probably want to elaborate on an aspect of athletics that has enabled you to derive the values of perseverance, dedication and endurance. Remember, the person reviewing your essay wants to know more about you rather than the sports you have played throughout your life or your achievements. Perhaps attempt to focus on athletics alone since its your speciality.
Thank you very much for your reply. Here's what I changed/added :
I personally love all kind of sports. I am in the athletics team of Monaco since I'm 13 and I'm specialised in cross-county. I also did Aikido, diving, circus, and 3 years of gymnastics because I like being able to do various things, but athletics really enabled me to see what I'm capable of. Throughout this sport, I realized that life is very similar to a cross-country (race?). It's about perseverance and dedication. It is mostly looking forward to the finishing line. We have to achieve our goal no matter what it takes. We can't abandon because of the pain, tiredness, or laziness; because, as in life, you don't get anything for nothing. This activity made me find strength and determination and confirmed the fact that I am a very independent person. However, I also found friends. Even if this sport is a solo sport, there is still a team, a group, and solidarity is something that I believe is very important. Helping others is something that we tend to forget and the good thing about any sports is that it makes us support each other.
I did learn a lot throughout this experience.
Is that better ? I'm not sure about my english... Hope it's alright!
I also did Aikido, diving, circus, and 3 years of gymnastics because I like being able to do various things,---- actually, this does not sound like a meaningful thing so say. It's better to say something about your outlook on life, or your attitude, etc. instead of just saying it is because you like to be able to do various things.
...to a cross-country (race?). ---- yes, you should write: cross country race.
I did learn a lot throughout this experience. --- this last sentence could be better.. if you add a specific idea or example.