With the understanding that the choice of academic school you indicated is not binding, explain why you are applying to that particular school of study. (150 word limit) Why do these areas appeal to you?
I volunteer to teach Sunday school at my church because I love teaching kids, but when I moved to the nursery department, I did not expect to love caring for them even more. Each time a baby cries, it becomes my mission to find the source of his troubles and fix it, and I feel a sense of accomplishment when I do. The biochemistry and cell biology program in the Biosciences department of the Wiess School of Natural Sciences will provide me with the opportunity to expand my knowledge so that I can later solve the more serious problems children face. I am attracted by the BIOC 310 course because it will direct me to research opportunities and take the stress out of searching for them. I am also attracted to the quality of the research opportunities provided through the renowned Texas Medical Center Laboratories in addition to labs in the Biosciences department.
Olu, I am having a hard time resolving the connection between your activities at Sunday school with your interests in biochemistry and cell biology. How exactly does this relate to your love for kids? There is a disconnection somewhere that you need to resolve. The statement, though limited in word count, requires you to make sure that you can relate all of the information in the essay. So maybe you need to change the Sunday school setting to a more involving situation wherein you were exposed to children with genetic disabilities or special needs. These in turn could bolster your claim for wanting to learn more in the aforementioned fields so that you can help these kinds of children in the future.
While I admire you for having done the research on the course curriculum of your chosen majors, the prompt would be better served by your explanation as to why you opted to study those particular majors rather than a discussion of the curricula. The prompt does, after all, ask you to explain the reasons that this particular area of study appeals to you. So your response should contain something along the lines of focusing on a particular problem, delving into research, and then contributing to the solution or control of the health problem of the child. It is not about the subjects you want to study, but rather, the way that you want to make an impact upon the field that should have attracted you to your chosen departments.
Thanks vangiespen
So I should not mention things specific to the school and only talk about why I like Biosciences?
Sunday school nursery is really the only experience I have. I can't write about a time a baby cried for a long time and how I searched for the solution to his problems and found that it was a rash and how I took care of it , or something along those lines? Could I would explain that I enjoyed finding the solution to the kid's problems and how that made me want to help kids with more serious problems through the knowledge I gain through Biosciences?
I take a research and design class. A group of me and other people did research for the Exploravision Contest over vaccines for Ebola. Would that be better to talk about?
Olu, the answer to all of your questions is a resounding yes :-) You must bring up and fully discuss all of those points. The prompt wants you to explain why you have an interest in Biosciences. These are usually related to your personal or professional experience. In your case, it would be the exposure to the Sunday School kids and the illnesses that they usually report to the school with which you end up having to deal with.
I take a research and design class. A group of me and other people did research for the Exploravision Contest over vaccines for Ebola. Would that be better to talk about?
- Yes, you can definitely do that because the solution to the Ebola epidemic lies in the way that the Biosciences can lift the veil of mystery on the virus, how it works, what chemicals it reacts to, and what chemicals and actively kill, control, and hopefully, eradicate the bacteria that causes the spread of the illness. Discuss that in the essay as best as you can.
Do not concern yourself with the word limit at the moment. I would like you to just write a complete, thorough, and informative answer to the prompt, regardless of the number of words that you have. When we have a final understanding of the important aspects of your response, we can work on rephrasing and deleting parts of the essay in order to meet the maximum word count :-)
Thank you vangiespen. How's this? (148 words)
My experiences in my current research class have made me certain that biological research is something I want to pursue at the Wiess school of Natural Sciences. In the research class, I have been researching the potential of the Rabies vaccine to fight the Ebola virus. I enjoy researching possible solutions to complex problems through science and want to go further. My knowledge in Biosciences could lift the veil of mystery on the Ebola virus and others like it, giving me a deeper understanding of how it works and how it can be stopped.
Furthermore, I enjoy treating kids when I volunteer at church's s Sunday school. The joy I feel when I help them with small things like a rash that needs ointment has made me to want to help people with more serious problems, and the knowledge I gain though Biosciences can help me do that.
Olu, let's work on fixing the following line from your response:
Furthermore, I enjoy treating kids when I volunteer at church's s Sunday school. The joy I feel when I help them with small things like a rash that needs ointment has made me to want to help people with more serious problems, and the knowledge I gain though Biosciences can help me do that.
I believe that this particular line would be stronger and more advantageous to your application if it was reworded along these lines:
As a private person, I am often faced with the care of children at my local church's Sunday School. Their skin rashes, as I have come to learn, sometimes indicates a deeper health issue. My hope is to prevent these problems in the future through the knowledge I will gain from Biosciences.
The statement, when presented this way sounds like your activity and exposure has a direct relation to the development of your interest in Biosciences so you should make the relationship clear and indicate its relevance whenever possible.
My experiences in a research class that I currently take have made me certain that biological research is something I want to pursue at the Wiess school of Natural Sciences. I am currently researching the potential of the Rabies vaccine to fight the Ebola virus and enjoy researching possible solutions to complex problems through science and want to go even further. My knowledge in biosciences could lift the veil of mystery on the Ebola virus and others like it, giving me a deeper understanding of how they work and how they can be stopped.
Outside of school, my care for children at my church's Sunday School has also influenced my decision. Their skin rashes, as I have come to learn, sometimes indicate a deeper health issue. My hope is to prevent problems like these in the future through the knowledge I will gain from courses taught in the Biosciences department.
I'm wondering if I should just leave out the second paragraph
Olu, it was not my place to suggest the removal of the second paragraph because you had originally written that in as an important part of the statement. However, now that you are saying that you feel like you should just remove that paragraph, I can tell you that I totally agree with what you want to do.
The second paragraph weakens the strength of the first paragraph and as such, just provides a break in your response continuity. I feel that if you just keep to the first paragraph, then your essay will be better prepared as a response. Remember, the maximum word count in any statement is just meant to help you focus the essay you will be writing. If you can deliver your message using lesser words, then the reviewer will end up being quite impressed with you since most students target the maximum word count for their essay, even if the additional information does not help their application.