Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4

"A Lover of Experiment" - Cornell CALS Supplement, biology, high school experience


ftfn 4 / 13  
Dec 19, 2010   #1
College of Agriculture and Life Sciences:How have your interests and related experiences influenced your selection of major?
500 words.


Hi, every one, I need your help, both on grammar and structure...Thank you !

I quietly bent down. My breath was held. My eyes were focused on the black dot. Then all in an instant, I reached out for the tadpole.

"Pu Tong, Pang"

However, I lost the balance and fell into the river. Managing to get on the bank, I felt extremely disappointed, not for my drenched clothes, but for my loss of experimental material. Wondering about how a round black tadpole grew into a green frog, I planned to make an experiment. Without tadpoles, the experiment failed but the passion for biology had just been ignited in this 8 year old boy.

As I grow up, I still carry that interest and motivation with life. I'm not a swimmer who like jumping into rivers, nor a bloody hunter who love catching tadpoles. Instead I am an definite hands-on "researcher" since I was enthusiastic about experiment.

Last semester, when we were experimenting on Polymerase Chain Reaction(PCR), I interrupted my teacher again "Why is the initial temperature exactly 70 °C. What will it be if I change the temperature?" My teacher threw a casual glance on me and raised her voice "All books say the initial temperature is 67°C, 68°C or even 72°C. If you do not control the temperature at 70°C, you will fail. Ok, Everyone has three trials, control your temperature carefully and start now!"

Maybe my teacher was right but her "authoritative data" could not deter me from designing my experiments. When it was my turn, I secretly changed the initial temperature of first group to 55°C, second 70°C, then third to 95°C.

One hour passed, my teacher started examining our results.
"Who is No.9, your third experiment is excellent!" She asked.
"But I made it at 95°C"
Then all the eyes concentrated to me,
"But why was my 55°C group ineffective?"
Everyone was bursting into laugh--- except my teacher. We quickly found out the reason: my teacher had mixed the initial temperature with polymerase optimum temperature. The former one should be exactly 94°C.

As an enthusiastic lover of experiment, I am appealed by the abundant opportunities of hands-on research and programmes at College of Agriculture and Life Sciences (CALS). I will not only learn advanced technology from world-class professors and talented peers, but will also apply those skills through researches. I want to major in BEE (Biological and Environmental Engineering) and join in Professor Larry Walker's Biofuels Research Lab which makes ethanol out of switchgrass. I also love the BEE4590 and 4870(Biosensors and Bioanalytical Techniques, Sustainable Bioenergy Systems) because, obviously, I have already got tons of question on these amazing techniques and I can not wait to create bio-sensors and bio-fuels by my hands.
amazingA 8 / 35  
Dec 19, 2010   #2
hello,
good job on all the details; however, i felt that the entire essay was extremely forced, almost to an extent that it was a little cheesy( pardon me on that one).

"But why was my 55°C group ineffective?"
Everyone was bursting into laugh--- except my teacher

so you are implying that the teacher was dumb and you were right? i would not recommend this, especially in a college essay where you are trying to show who you are and what are you morals to the college. the fact that you spoke up against the teacher is unacceptable and if i were an AO i would certainly trash your essay (i'm sorry, but i don't appreciate your "But why was my 55°C group ineffective?" )

other than that i guess it is an adequate essay.
OP ftfn 4 / 13  
Dec 20, 2010   #3
Thank you!

I didn't intend to write something offensive...but it did happen..
I think that I need to rewrite it...So I close this thread now.

Thank you again, great help!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 30, 2010   #4
Use a hyphen for year-old:
...this eight 8 year-old boy.

I'm not a swimmer who likes jumping into rivers, nor a bloody hunter who loves catching tadpoles. Instead I am an a definite, hands-on "researcher" since I was feeling enthusiastic about the experiment.

I am appealed impressed by the abundant opportunities ...
(The way to use "appeal" is different. For example, hands-on research appeals to me...)

...have already got tons of question on about these amazing techniques and I cannot wait to create bio-sensors and bio-fuels by with my hands.

This is a very strong essay. I think it will impress any reader. You obviously have well-developed academic interests.
:-)


Home / Undergraduate / "A Lover of Experiment" - Cornell CALS Supplement, biology, high school experience