Any feedback is appreciated.
I have a concern with my middle section. I'd like to make the middle section briefer, but I don't know how to shorten it without losing it's relevance. And do you find that the middle section does not flow with the end as a whole?
Describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your family, your school or community activities, or your involvement in areas outside of school.
I caught my breath as I rushed from my mother's silver Acura to the glass-paneled entrance of the Boca Clubhouse. A familiar jitter in my stomach had emerged again, despite believing that same morning that I had no need to feel nervous. I glanced at my watch and assured myself that I had about ten minutes before I had to perform. The prospect remained surreal to me; a luncheon to honor the winners of the Boca Delray Music Society scholarship competition waited beyond the two front doors.
One-month prior, I attended the piano competition I had never believed of ever being able to place at the top. My hands were numb as I waited my turn to perform before the judges. I seemingly rushed through the first part of my repertoire, and not too long after, I had a memory lapse. I concluded with a bow and a smile to the judges, but inside, I berated myself for allowing those occurrences when I knew how much I had prepared months before to prevent mistakes like those from happening. I practiced hours on end and requested extra meetings with my piano instructor to perfect my pieces. I had hoped for a reward for my efforts, but they were not enough.
I called my father afterward in the reception area to let him know I finished performing. He asked me how I did, and I replied with a simple, "Badly." I knew I did not stand a chance against the other performers.
The other performers and I waited anxiously for a grueling ten minutes after the last contestant performed. I was surprised to say the least when the judges announced the winners. I took a full five seconds to comprehend that I won first place. The judges explained to me that I performed flawlessly and with an undeniable passion.
The luncheon began as I continued to reflect. The size of the dining room was intimidating. There was a large group of the elderly waiting for us to perform. No matter what I tried, I could not calm my nerves. My hands were sweating profusely.
As I walked up to the piano, I realized that I was going to perform that day because I wanted to. Their eager faces I saw caused me to reevaluate the years I spent learning the piano. The audience was not here to judge how well the performers performed; they came to share their enjoyment of music as I had wanted to.
The event meant more to me than expected and had prompted me to share my love of music with nursing homes throughout the community. The gift of being a pianist is not the accomplishments one gains, but the enjoyment one experiences of playing and the joy of sharing their gift with others.
Through this experience, I am motivated to keep working diligently toward any given goal, and provide a stronger sense of community by exchanging interests and experiences with my peers at the University of Florida.
I have a concern with my middle section. I'd like to make the middle section briefer, but I don't know how to shorten it without losing it's relevance. And do you find that the middle section does not flow with the end as a whole?
Describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your family, your school or community activities, or your involvement in areas outside of school.
I caught my breath as I rushed from my mother's silver Acura to the glass-paneled entrance of the Boca Clubhouse. A familiar jitter in my stomach had emerged again, despite believing that same morning that I had no need to feel nervous. I glanced at my watch and assured myself that I had about ten minutes before I had to perform. The prospect remained surreal to me; a luncheon to honor the winners of the Boca Delray Music Society scholarship competition waited beyond the two front doors.
One-month prior, I attended the piano competition I had never believed of ever being able to place at the top. My hands were numb as I waited my turn to perform before the judges. I seemingly rushed through the first part of my repertoire, and not too long after, I had a memory lapse. I concluded with a bow and a smile to the judges, but inside, I berated myself for allowing those occurrences when I knew how much I had prepared months before to prevent mistakes like those from happening. I practiced hours on end and requested extra meetings with my piano instructor to perfect my pieces. I had hoped for a reward for my efforts, but they were not enough.
I called my father afterward in the reception area to let him know I finished performing. He asked me how I did, and I replied with a simple, "Badly." I knew I did not stand a chance against the other performers.
The other performers and I waited anxiously for a grueling ten minutes after the last contestant performed. I was surprised to say the least when the judges announced the winners. I took a full five seconds to comprehend that I won first place. The judges explained to me that I performed flawlessly and with an undeniable passion.
The luncheon began as I continued to reflect. The size of the dining room was intimidating. There was a large group of the elderly waiting for us to perform. No matter what I tried, I could not calm my nerves. My hands were sweating profusely.
As I walked up to the piano, I realized that I was going to perform that day because I wanted to. Their eager faces I saw caused me to reevaluate the years I spent learning the piano. The audience was not here to judge how well the performers performed; they came to share their enjoyment of music as I had wanted to.
The event meant more to me than expected and had prompted me to share my love of music with nursing homes throughout the community. The gift of being a pianist is not the accomplishments one gains, but the enjoyment one experiences of playing and the joy of sharing their gift with others.
Through this experience, I am motivated to keep working diligently toward any given goal, and provide a stronger sense of community by exchanging interests and experiences with my peers at the University of Florida.