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Macaulay admission essay proofreading



wongtongsoup22 3 / 4  
Dec 6, 2008   #1
Pick a place or activity that is important to you. Tell us a story about your experience at that place or with that activity that reveals something about you.

One of the activities that I pursue is learning Chinese at New York Chinese School (NYCS). At NYCS, not only am I a student, but I am also a part of the New York Chinese School Patrol (NYCSP). The NYCSP is a non-profit student organization dedicated to ensuring a safe and productive learning environment for all fellow classmates and teachers. As I was growing up, my older sister sowed the seeds of kindness in me, since she used to be a volunteer for the Red Cross and the local church, BAC. At first, I thought that this could be a quick and convenient way of obtaining my required community service hours. I wanted to get it over with as soon as possible, and leave as soon as possible. However, I grew out of my selfish ways, and I began to see that volunteering has many mutual benefits. Now I am reluctant to leave every time I volunteer there. Volunteering at NYCSP has slowly changed my view of life.

Now, I am currently a supervisor at NYCSP who has been working there since September 2006. I started out at the rank of patrolman, which is a low-ranking position, and involves a lot of work. One of the major difficulties was understanding people. The reason why it was so difficult was because they spoke in a different dialect. Over a short period of time I was able to understand their dialect at a proficient level. I was able to demonstrate my newfound proficiency after working there for quite a long time.

The day began languorously, as another typical Sunday afternoon. One of the tasks that NYCSP is responsible for is to make sure that kids are dismissed safely to their parents. We were finishing up with dismissal, and I went to the door to close it as the last parents trickled in to pick up their kids. As I was walking towards the door, I told my teammates, that they were dismissed and I would lock up afterwards. However just as I was about to lock the door, a frantic parent came up the door and started banging on it furiously. I opened the door and asked what was wrong. She began speaking rapidly in what seemed as an undecipherable dialect of Chinese; however I told her to calm down and tell me again. She told me what happened slowly, and I realized that she was speaking the dialect that I was studying. She told me that she had a daughter named Mei, who was a student, and she was supposed to pick her up. I asked the main office if they had any kids waiting for their parent, and much to my dismay there were no kids left. When I told her of this, she panicked and begged for me to look for her daughter. Since there were no superior officers present that day, I was left with the task to find her lost daughter.

I had 30 patrolmen and 2 team leaders that day; I divided everyone up into groups of 3, and told all of them to look for Mei. For 2 hours we found nothing, but I told everyone to continue searching. We found Mei being lead by a man into the park, and we immediately told the man to stop, but he ran away leaving Mei behind. I was able to return an abducted child to a parent, who thanked me for helping her.

I joined with the intent of just getting my service credit and leaving. Volunteering at NYCSP has changed me, from turning my selfish attitude into a person who will not rest until the job is done. I learned many things that a textbook cannot teach such as leadership, organization, and communication skills, and I hope that I that my efforts at NYCSP will take me further in other areas of my life.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
Dec 7, 2008   #2
One of the activities that I pursue is a process of learning Chinese at New York Chinese School (NYCS). At NYCS, I am not only a student, but I am also a part of the New York Chinese School Patrol (NYCSP).

I had 30 patrolmen and 2 team leaders that day; I divided everyone into groups of 3, and told all of them to look for Mei.

WOW, congratulations for your accomplishment with Mei!! You are a hero.

For formal writing, instead of typing numerals (3, 2, etc.) write the number as a word: two.


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