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"I Made It" The feeling when crossing the finish line after a race sends me into complete bliss. NYU



jbueno 1 / -  
Jan 18, 2015   #1
Prompt: Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

I'm sprinting through the last fifty meters of gravel and I can hear the footsteps of the person crunching behind me, slowly getting louder. I push as hard as I can and stumble, almost falling as I cross the finish line. I made it.

I love running. The feeling that comes with crossing the finish line after a race sends me into complete bliss. Due to my love for running, I decided to become a member of the cross country, winter, and spring track team during high school. Eventually, I was able to become a captain for all three sports seasons, teaching me how to be a leader and effectively communicate with others. Even though the experience was fulfilling, I decided to quit the team during my senior year in order to focus properly on my job as a waiter. I realized that in order to take on the new challenges and opportunities brought on by the job, I had to make a sacrifice. So, I stepped away from the connections and bonds that I had created over the past four years and stopped partaking in the sport which had become a major part of my life. Although being a waiter still required the leadership and communication that I had learned through becoming a captain, I was immersed in a completely different world in which I had to adapt and learn a new skill set so that I could succeed at what I was doing. I acquired a different form of communication, multitasking, and patience when unable to properly handle a task the first time. I walked out of my comfort zone and took a different direction in my life so that I could grow as a person.

Being a member of the honors nursing program at William Paterson University has been a wonderful experience which has allowed me to expand my horizons and further my knowledge so that I may succeed in my future career. I have benefitted from the small class sizes taught by exceptional faculty and have interacted with some of the most intelligent students during this time. While the university has provided me with the materials I need to succeed, I am constantly thirsting for more. Due to this, I believe it is time for me to take a step in a different direction, much as I had done in leaving track. I wish to be able to think outside of the box and be able to prepare myself for a range of clinical settings. NYU's focus on challenging students to examine the various contexts in which health and wellness occur is one that I believe will allow me to do so. I have become enamored with the vast array of resources provided by the school combined with learning opportunities both inside and outside of the classroom. By attending NYU, I hope to broaden and deepen my knowledge in clinical applications of nursing, engage in the numerous options for international experiences, and be prepared for the hospital setting.

I have made many close friends at William Paterson and studied under inspiring professors, however, I must once again step outside of my comfort zone in order to acquire new and enlightening experiences. Originally, I applied to William Paterson so that I could be comfortable. It has a smaller student body and is very close to home, I felt as if I was not leaving. I am now excited and looking forward to walking into the rich culture and excitement of New York City and pushing myself to excel in an unfamiliar environment.

NYU is the place that I wish to persevere and therefore excel. My objective is to pursue my journey of discovering who I am through new and adverse situations. I know that NYU will prepare me for my career in nursing. I know that I will emerge and be able to say "I made it."

vangiespen - / 4077  
Jan 18, 2015   #2
Your third paragraph is just a shorter redundancy of your second paragraph. Either delete it or reword it to include a secondary reason for wanting to transfer to NYU. The first and second paragraphs have actually given a complete analogy of the reasons as to why you seriously consider this academic transfer something that will be highly beneficial to you. I suggest that you just retain these two paragraphs and then work on developing your concluding paragraph. Strengthen the overall essay by clearly explaining how you feel that completing the transfer will offer you the chance to build a better foundation for your future and that in as much as you are thankful to your previous school, you are cognizant of the fact that smaller universities have limitations for people with big dreams and ambitions. You can swiftly discuss how your career in nursing will be better serviced by your studies at NYU when compared to the smaller university by mentioning some programs and internships that NYU offers their nursing students that smaller universities do not and thus, makes NYU the logical choice for someone pursuing a serious nursing career.


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