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I made my first 125-miles trip to Munich. ; MIT App; Significant challenge

MyMichael 2 / 5  
Dec 25, 2012   #1
The following essay contains 407 words, but it is only allowed to have 200-250 words. Do you think it's possible to put the entire text in the "What else do you want us to know"-box and make a link to there in the "challenge" box. I think it is hard to tell the entire

story in just 250 words.
By the way, I am from Germany. (if it matters somehow :) )

Q: Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?(*) (200-250 words)

A: This summer, only a few weeks after receiving my driver's license, I made my first 125-miles trip to Munich.
I was going to take the SAT II Math and Physics there. I arrived the day before the test on a hotel that is close to the testing center, as I didn't want to get up at five and spend the following two and a half hours by driving.

At the same day I arrived, I checked in and wanted to visit the actual testing location to be prepared for the following morning. I didn't intend to rush in the morning. I wanted to find the way easily and quickly.

But I realized there was one big problem: the direct way over the autobahn was redirected over many small villages.
I strayed around asking various people if they knew the testing center or at least the city it was in. Everybody knew something that was completely different from what everyone else said. It was confusing. So it slowly went dark and I became a little more nervous, because I couldn't see much anymore.

My car and me within were floating in the air, then we crashed onto the ground. What was that? I just flew over the end of the street. I were in midst of a construction site of a new autobahn, surrounded by woods. It was probably the one that was blocked. I felt totally lost and alone. I said "calm down," and drove to the next village. I tried not to look too suspicious (since it already was 9:00 pm!), rang on a doorbell and could finally convince the chosen one to sit next to me in car and help me find the way. This person was my hero and we quickly found it.

I came home at 10 and everything I desired was hearing my mom's voice, so I called her. I didn't understand a single sentence, as the connection was very bad, but it didn't matter to me. I went to sleep but repeatedly awoke between 2 and 4 am. It was Oktoberfest-time and the first visitors were coming home. Loud and drunk. I awoke the last time at 5:30 am. and in spite of all the crazy events within the last 12 hours I felt well rested and ready for the exam.

In broad daylight I could find the building rather quickly and successfully made the test. What an adventure.
thespoonguy 6 / 23 1  
Dec 25, 2012   #2
i know this answers the prompt but is this really what you want to show MIT. the essay doesnt really say anything positive about you. all i see is that someone else helped you find your way. think about what you want to tell MIT about yourself because the whole point of the personal statement is to bring you to life. u gotta convince them that you are the kinda student they want there.
OP MyMichael 2 / 5  
Dec 25, 2012   #3
There is indeed something true to your comment. What I want to show with this story (which really had an impact on my life: it seemed like a hundred shattering events at once, and if you think it can't come worse.. yeah, you know the rest) is that I have the tranquility and openness (to people, the fear to ask) that was required to get along.

Can you give me a hint in what "kind of direction" / "greater focus" this essay should go to reveal more about myself, as you say?
MiaB 8 / 25  
Dec 25, 2012   #4
I don't really agree ;

I think it depends of the reader's opinion; but I felt that this essay says a lot of positive things about you : you could handle the situation by asking people to help you ; and did not just panic and burst into tears (which I would have done ... ) . Plus : you showed that even with everything that was going on; you still managed to keep focused on the test day !
13579ben 2 / 3 1  
Dec 25, 2012   #5
The entire piece seems to be too choppy. Try varying your sentence structure and length so that it's fluid.

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