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Makeup is my weak spot- Common App Essay



fafarrukh 3 / 8  
Sep 20, 2015   #1
"Please call your local store for product availability. Quantities are limited."
My heart pounded out of my chest as I read those frightening words. What if Champagne Pop sold out? I could never get my hands on one except for those selling for three times the price on eBay. It was expensive like the other cosmetics yet different. Sparkling. Twinkling. My AP Bio lab report lay on my bed untouched, yet there I was, drooling over a highlighter. I couldn't help but stare at its glamorous pictures on Sephora's website, convincing me all the more how much I needed it. Becca's Champagne Pop was calling out to me.

I discovered my passion for makeup in seventh grade when I watched my first tutorial on YouTube: Peacock Eye Makeup. Since then, I've loved playing with makeup. I generally limit myself to buying affordable products from the drugstore otherwise I'd become broke within days. But this time, I craved the luxurious forty dollar Champagne Pop. I couldn't get it out of my mind.

Stop wasting time!" I scolded myself. This was highly unlike me. I'm the girl who completes her work in school, not scurrying to finish last minute. I'm the biology nerd who teaches herself the curriculum over the summer. And I'm not self-absorbed. I aspire to become a doctor to help others and will persevere through any challenges I face.

The last thing I want to be considered is frivolous because I like to look pretty and love makeup. I enjoy being that girl who interns at a clinic, writes blogs and travels to refugee camps. I finish my work early and religiously follow my meticulous schedule. I consider myself a mature individual with a realistic outlook on life. In fact, I pride myself for having my priorities straight.

However, makeup is my weak spot. I love the confidence it inspires in me. It gives me the power to express myself artistically. Many believe makeup is for those insecure about their flaws, but I disagree. Makeup isn't about hiding, it's about highlighting. It's an art for both the subtlest and the most dramatic transformations. And most importantly, it's fun. I'm not going to lie: most days I'm in sweats and my dad's oversized t-shirts, but sometimes it feels good to glam up. Never ask me why I'm late if I'm rocking winged eyeliner and killer cheekbones.

Makeup allows me to escape the demands of real life. It is my haven for solace in and away from home. Without it, my life would not be half as wonderful as it is today. I've learned that it's okay to splurge once in a while for the little things that make me happy. I cherish Champagne Pop today as much as I did when it first arrived in the mail. It's more than a highlighter for me. It's my first act of spontaneity, my break from prudence. It gave me an adrenaline rush like never before. Although I strive for a career in medicine, I love that I have much to learn about and from the world of makeup. It's still difficult for the frugal side of me to justify my purchase, but wearing forty dollars on your cheekbones has its own charm. Money can't buy happiness, but it buys me makeup which is basically the same thing.

This is probably my 11th draft. Please criticize/comment freely. Thanks a lot!

vangiespen - / 4077  
Sep 20, 2015   #2
Interesting tale Fatima. I can't believe you are on your eleventh draft already. The essay sounds very spontaneous and meticulously thought out. I am wondering though at to what common app prompt you are responding to. It would give me a better idea as to whether you are responding to the prompt or if we need to help you align the content in order to better respond to it. That aside, the essay is really entertaining and seems to be an inside look at who you are and what makes you tick. I found a few grammar issues that we need to edit though. It's listed below for you with correction and/or additions for better effect.

I couldn't help but stare at its glamorous pictures on Sephora's

- ... at the glamorous pictures...

I discovered my passion for makeup in seventh grade when I watched my first tutorial on YouTube

- ... my passion for makeup inthe seventh grade...

not scurrying to finish last minute

- to finishat the last minute

The last thing I want to be considered is frivolous

-... considered as is frivolous

However, makeup is my weak spot.

This is an under developed thought. You need to build up this sentence as its own paragraph that explains why you view make up as your weakness. Is it because as an art form you use your face as the canvass and you can't seem to satisfactorily accomplish that? It can't be just all about the expense. It has to be something deeper than that. It must show a weakness in something that you did not used to consider a weakness in you. I believe that make up should be described as your weak spot (in terms of not being able to resist the urge to splurge) rather than a weakness (connotes something you cannot do).

Again, its a pretty good essay. I hope the small suggestions and corrections I made can help you.


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