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pursue MBA - its an essay about myself ..i m weak in vocabulary.


apurvamakde 1 / 10  
Dec 16, 2009   #1
I Aspire. . I Plan. . I Execute...
All this has been the cornerstone leading me to pursue MBA...

It took twenty years to create who I am today. Within these years, I have been given the freedom to explore the world in order to satisfy my curiosity toward all the strange and wonderful things in the world around me.

I grew up in a healthy family. Being only child before, I learned to manage things at home as my mom and dad both were working and were out of town frequently for their work ...this helped me to become self dependent...My parents both had stable careers and this provided us with more opportunities to learn what we desired to.

My father had transferable job so we used to move to different cities ...
Thus after every 2 or 3 years I had to change my school... this helped me to know different kinds of people belonging to different locations, like about how they live, their culture, dressing, likes, dislikes, environment over there ...etc

In beginning it became difficult for me to adjust in different school and environment but then after wards it started becoming easy for me to make new friends ...

Like my father my Mom is also working as beautician and running a beauty clinic... many a times it became difficult for mom to visit the clinic so I helped my mom over there ,this gave me a chance to manage her business, handle customers and workers ...

While doing so I had many highs and lows... Thus learned a short lesson to be a manager... I enjoyed the work but at times felt that I lack managerial skills when there was load of work...

After some years my brother was born. I took care of him so I learned lessons playing this parental role to be responsible and identifying needs of my family...

To be well organized is my greatest strength since I am in school I liked to organize my work ... I used to write the things that I have to do along with date and time which helps me to prioritize the work starting from what is the most important work to the work having least importance... This helped me to accomplish my work and meet deadline... I continued this practice till now...

After completing my 10th boards there was trend to take maths and science as a subject in 11th and 12th ...I took maths and science as many of my friends took it and as I did well in it ... I never felt the need to ask why this stream only as I not so very mature to think about these things ... During this period I did well in maths and science, this led to create more interest in it ...

During 12th I had to decide what I have to go for after 12th ... I started finding out various degrees and finally felt that I have to go for Engineering in Electronics and Telecommunications that suited well as per my interests...

I enjoyed a lot during years of engineering we had lot of projects to do, various cultural activities to perform... I loved to participate in these activities especially dance as I loved to do it... Dance has been passion for me since my childhood so I learned classical dance like kathak and bharatnatyam...

I enjoyed the projects that we had to do; there we had three to four project members...
Many a times it happened that I get so much involved in the work whereas my other project members didn't feel like working that day so used to hate me for this... as a result it affected my performance ...My weakness is that I can get hurt very quickly if someone disregards my sincere efforts as a result I get mental stress which ultimately affects my performance...but now a days to overcome this I make other group members involve in work just by adding interest in work like working listening to the music... and chitchatting about what will be the result of it if we work good...

I am very trust worthy person with an ability to work in team...

I am always punctual in work and have ability to work under pressure... I am hard worker, dynamic and love to learn new things...

Every week we had to give presentation report on what work we have done up till now for project... during all these phase I felt that I am lagging behind in few things ...

I refuse to see darker side of life and as a result I sometimes become irresponsible...
It becomes hard for me to face the reality...
I am very sensitive & emotional person and get choked easily...
Sometimes I also become introvert so people tend to dominate me ...

I was good at things and also a hard worker but felt that I was still lagging behind in few things and that was managerial skills ...

I started searching ways how can I improve on this ... Optimism is my second great strength... I never lose hope...
And the best option I found out is doing MBA after BE ...

I found out that BE has enhanced and reinforced my technical abilities, whereas M BA will give me the whole picture of how an organization works, functional knowledge of the business organization ,skills of communication , financial analysis, self confidence, necessary inter personal skills, problem solving approach ,good decision making ,instant thinking,...

In today's world, industry requires, creativity, leadership qualities, ability to work as a team ... Being an Engineer would help to obtain a good product but I felt that Engineer never knows about the structure and system of an organization...he will never know what are customers' demands, how to increase productivity with less capital, how to manage people in the organization and so on and MBA bridges this gap most effectively...

So from this I am determined to pursue MBA so that I can enhance my abilities and skills to hold a position in an organization and will try to overcome all my weaknesses and threats...I know that the road ahead will not be easy for me, but I cannot stop here. I need to move on in order to reach my goals. My success in the future lies in my own hands.

shannon92 15 / 74  
Dec 17, 2009   #2
What is this for? Is this what you have to submit soon? I don't get why there are so many ...'s
OP apurvamakde 1 / 10  
Dec 17, 2009   #3
i have to submit in college... i didnt get what u said...can u edit a bit for me...
shannon92 15 / 74  
Dec 17, 2009   #4
I'm sorry but you need to remove ALL of the ellipse's (...). Is this supposed to be a formal essay? It seems like a thought piece currently. It's a rambling about your life- what is your main point? What are you trying to say about yourself?
ryanclare 2 / 7  
Dec 17, 2009   #5
get rid of all the "..."
also shannon cannot write your essay for you.
read it over again outloud and see how it sounds.
eventually you just have to send it. good luck!
OP apurvamakde 1 / 10  
Dec 17, 2009   #6
its not a formal essay i have write an essay about my weakness about my strength and why i have choosed to do mba... ya i would remove it ...what else shall i add..?
shannon92 15 / 74  
Dec 17, 2009   #7
Your essay is currently lacking any sort of structure or focus. You need to use full sentences and put in punctuation marks, but in addition you need to figure out what is the main thing you are trying to convey? It's hard to get that out of the writing

Right now, its like your ENTIRE life story. Dont add anything- whittle it down to whats important
OP apurvamakde 1 / 10  
Dec 17, 2009   #8
can u place one example before me please...i m very weak at writing...
shannon92 15 / 74  
Dec 17, 2009   #9
"Like my father my Mom is also working as beautician and running a beauty clinic... many a times it became difficult for mom to visit the clinic so I helped my mom over there ,this gave me a chance to manage her business, handle customers and workers ...

While doing so I had many highs and lows... Thus learned a short lesson to be a manager... I enjoyed the work but at times felt that I lack managerial skills when there was load of work..."

You have good things every here and then but your essay is a string of sentences that sometimes arent even related. " Thus learned a short lesson to be a manager"- this isn't a full sentence. It sounds like this is a stream of consciousness and not a thought out, brainstormed piece. You REALLY need to figure out what is most important to you/what the most significant things in this is, because it is not in essay format yet.
OP apurvamakde 1 / 10  
Dec 17, 2009   #10
okie...thanks a lot... but i have to write about my weakness and strengths along with that i want to show why i am doing mba..as i lack managerial skills...
shannon92 15 / 74  
Dec 17, 2009   #11
Nothings wrong with what youre trying to say you just need to convey it in a more focused manner to be effective in making a point
OP apurvamakde 1 / 10  
Dec 17, 2009   #12
okie what else is lacking i mean vocabulary and all...
shannon92 15 / 74  
Dec 17, 2009   #13
What do you mean? What is lacking is coherence and grammatical soundness, not word choice
OP apurvamakde 1 / 10  
Dec 17, 2009   #14
thanks a lot shannon you have been so kind to me and help me so much...
Keng 39 / 134  
Dec 17, 2009   #15
Your grammatical errors are run-on, fragment and dangling modifiers.

When you write an essay, try to write complex sentence, simple sentence alternately.

Do not write English by copying styles of your native language.

Here are my suggestions.
kda013 6 / 18  
Dec 19, 2009   #17
I was kinda confused
when i first read this.

There are so many things going on that
the reader might have a hard time
understanding your main point.
I think this can be a better essay
if you organize it.

for example, get rid of ...'s (like everyone above said..)
be relevant

I am always punctual in work and have ability to work under pressure... I am hard worker, dynamic and love to learn new things...

Every week we had to give presentation report on what work we have done up till now for project... during all these phase I felt that I am lagging behind in few things ...


your saying your strength and weakness simultaneously...

rather than writing your essay in this pattern, how about grouping them together?
OP apurvamakde 1 / 10  
Dec 22, 2009   #18
thanks for your feedback...
merinadica 2 / 3  
Dec 24, 2009   #19
i think i`d better review fundamentals of essay writing for you. it may help.and i suggesr you at least skim some books about improving witing skills.

in writing essays there are some rules. although there are not strict but if you follow them the chance of geting lost in the meanwhile decreases

1.PLAN
1.a)understand the essay topic,
1.b)write a thesis statement, and
1.c)organize your thoughts with concept maps.
2.WRITE
2.a)state opinions,
2.b)write topic statements,
2.c)write supporting details,
2.d)write a conclusion, and
2.e)use syntactic and semantic variety in your essay.
3.REVISE
CHECK THE CONTENTAND CLARITY
CHECK THE CONTENT
CHECK THE CLARITY
CHECIilNG THE PUNCTUATION AND SPELLING
CHECK THE PUNCTUATION AND SPELLING


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