'Making a difference and becoming an engineer' - Brown Supplement

Can somebody please check my Brown Supplement Essay?

The topic is: Why are you drawn to the area(s) of study you indicated? (My area is engineering) Limit is of 300 characters
Participating on various Math Olympics has helped me develop the ability to think analytically and solve problems easily. My increasing passion for numbers enhances my ability to set my goals and never give up until I find an answer. I want to make a difference, I want to become an engineer.

Thanks in advance!

I understand where you are going with this answer and know that 300 characters is not a lot. However, I think that you need to add what specifically makes you want to be an engineer. Just my opinion! Good luck

The 'make a difference' part is a bit generic, and your sentence structure is almost identical for all three sentences. It's a bit impersonal, and you should talk about your interest for it, not what helped you prepare for it through the Math Olympics- you could rephrase it that what you experienced in the Math Olympics gave you a taste for analytical thinking and revealed your strength in problem solving. This enhanced your passion for numbers, and revealed that your personality was one to set goals and never give up until you find an answer. I mean, thats just one take- but you should kind of unify it and focus on your passion and how you saw it, not just cold facts they might already see elsewhere. Good luck, and I hope this helps- you have a good thing going, just need to rephrase it a bit...

Thanks Tcohen and Ashatan! I will work on it :)

REVISED!

My participation on various Math Olympics contributed to my desire of becoming an engineer. This competition has helped me develop my ability to think analytically and seek for routes that can lead me to the answer. Likewise science amazes me, because it lets us use theories to prove phenomena.

Please take a look at it!