making a successful musical - my additional information for uva

Cooperation between singers or actors and musicians is the most important part for making a successful musical. I believe my school musical was the best group presentation ever in my life. Before I was involved in Jekyll and Hyde last year, I did not really have interests ...

hi, i really need help for this
i am not sure that i can submit this for my additional information
i just picked one of my extra curricular
i would really appreciate that if you guys give me any suggestions and advices
my deadline is soon, so i hope i can get answers as soon as i can and i believe there are a lot of grammar errors

thank you very much

Before I was involved in Jekyll and Hyde (is this the full name of the show?) last year, I did not really have much interest in the musical theatre.

Finally, we could get attention from the audience, and our work for three months has been successful. This spring, I have one more chance to cooperate with talented people. We hope to create the most coordinated, inspired work our audience has ever seen.

Good, this shows some great enthusiasm. Can you add a sentence to tell about how this kind of performance is related to your chosen professional field or program of study?

actually i am planning to major in chemistry
but i am also interested in music
so i just wrote my additional information for music
also one of my supplemental essay is about music as well
i have one more additional information here

Being an international student has been a very precious experience in my life. I am very grateful for starting everything anew in another country. In 2006 I moved to the United States from my home country of Korea; this move has changed everything in my life. It was very daunting transitioning from the ninth grade in Korea to my freshman year of high school in a language I barely knew. Moving to a new country, learning a new language and having to demonstrate proficiency in advanced classes in high school has been the most challenging obstacle in my life. Through all of the hard work and struggle, I proved to myself that I am capable of reaching my goals.

In the future, I plan to be a pharmacist. In my mind I see patients' smiling faces after they get better through the medicines I make for them. I want to help people live lives free of disease and illness. I am ready to learn about medicine and help people around the world. I hope people can achieve health and happiness through my help.

could you tell me which one sounds better for my additional information
if i have to post new one, I will delete this
thank you so much

Being an international student has been a very precious experience. in my life. Kill the unnecessary words. :-)

I am very grateful for starting everything anew in another country. This makes the same point you just made in the first sentence.

This material is very nice! I just want to kill some of the fluff at the beginning.

I think you should add a sentence near the end about why this school to which you are applying is going to fit in with your vision and passion about the future. :-)