"Management of drainage systems"; Lehigh Supp

You have just reached one millionth view on YouTube. What will the video be about?
Social networking sites such as YouTube can be very useful if utilized properly. If my video would hit the millionth mark then that video would be entitled "Management of drainage systems".

During rainy season, sometimes walking the Kathmandu's road may turn out to be a bad idea. One moment you are walking without any problems and the next moment you notice the road is covered with drain water due to heavy downpour.

It was a normal school day. I packed my bag and went to school. Then, suddenly, it started raining. Within few minutes, the drain water which usually flows underground started coming up towards the surface. After few minutes, the road was filled with drain water. I stood on a higher ground, waiting for the rain to stop. But there was no sign of that happening any time soon. It was getting late for my school and I didn't want to miss any of my classes. So, I took off my shoes and dipped my leg in the drain water and slowly went to school.

This is one of the main problems in Nepal, yet, somehow it goes unnoticed. Many other people have suffered from this problem but not many efforts have been made to minimize it. This problem has not only wasted many people's time, but it has also promoted health hazards (Since the drain water transmits many water borne diseases.) Hence, through my YouTube video I would help Nepalese community to minimize the drainage problem in Kathmandu.

If my video would hit the millionth mark then that video would be entitledtitled "Management of drainage systems".


During rainy season, walking along the streets in Kathmandu can be horrible experience.


You hardly can escape from the pools of water that overflow from drains on the road in the days that have heavy downpours.


I think you should have expressed this severity of this issue with a more negative tone.

dumi

thank you :) :) can you please help me with this one too

In your opinion, what are the five characteristics of a successful person?

Hard work is the first trait a successful man must have. Successful people know the basic science of life: your input will equal your output.

Secondly, for me the desire to carry on our dreams and never quit is very important . If a person wants to get a promotion, he must try again and again even though he doesn't get one for the first time.

Likewise, the person who is pro - active (his ability to act and put his idea in motion) has better chances of being successful.
In addition, the ability to adapt to a new environment is one of the most important trait. Suppose, a new company changes its CEO. The successful person is the one who adapts to the new procedure of the company and knows how the company operates.

Finally, the successful person must have a leadership and communication traits. Very good communication skills can even make a person charismatic, and this is especially important in jobs that involve working and being in touch with a lot of people.

To summarize all of this, taking a successful soccer manager, Sir Alex Ferguson as an example. The manager works hard in everyday training, develops new tactics to break down the opponent's defense. He has a desire to win and doesn't give up until the final whistle. Even though he recently retired, he had been on the job for more than 26 years. He adapted himself with three decades. And finally, he can motivate his player and nick a goal in the final minutes of the match.

this contains 260 words and I have to reduce it to 250 ... plz help me as soon as you can

.... sorry... it was a mistake I made in my comment earlier :D


You hardly can escape form the pools of dirty water on the road as a result of overflowing drains due to heavy showers. .... I think this is much better :) Another error of mine :D


This fails to reader's curiosity :( There's no sensattion in this piece of writing. A normal day, a normal class and everything still stands very normal and ordinary which is not giving the reader understand the importance of having water management. If it is something like you were late for the exam due to this issue, then it carries a better weight. Hope you got what I mean. This incident should come with a punch to the reader.

If I missed submission on time I would have to sacrifice 50% of my grades. ... Yes, now it sounds much better.... you have a more important case now :D


I think this is detailed a bit too much. Let's cut it down a little bit;
As I was walking towards my school, a very heavy shower began unexpectedly. Soon the roads got flooded with dirty water that overflowed from the poorly managed drainages. I was left with two choices; should I stay until the rain will cease and the roads would be clear from dirty water by sacrificing my grades?. Or should I continue my walk in that unbelievably dirty water to save my grades?. I chose the latter and managed to save my grading, but it took a few weeks for me to recover from that horrible experience.

Thank you so so much :) :)
plz help me with my other essays too :)