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'Mapping Me' - define a experience essential to your identity



xigogondaki 2 / 9  
Sep 28, 2014   #1
Prompt: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Any help would be appreciated!

Mapping Me

Sometimes I try to create maps in my head. Past the office and into the courtyard with the sandpit, past the water cooler and up the stairs...I trace the route out on to the palms of my hand; following the curves and the lines, and then moving up my fingers. I am creating a map of Mirambika.

I imagine the whole of Mirambika to be bathed in this beautiful golden light, and I associate it with this feeling of being infinite. I remember sliding down the giant stone pyramids during the rains; cycling up and down the tarry roads and lying down on the roof some nights and just counting the stars.

I grew up amongst these memories, in Mirambika- my school till the 10th grade. It imbibed in me this sense of freedom and lightness; it gave me the gift of exploration and adventuring, and being lost in childhood. It taught me to just be.

But it also taught me to research, and apply that research in projects, plays, stories and art; unlike my peers in other schools who were burdened with heavy textbooks- we were given loose guidelines, and made to work within that. This planted in me this need to be process oriented rather than outcome oriented.

Eventually, my days in Mirambika were numbered, because the school only went up till the 10th grade- and an almost unknown fear crept up in me. A sense of not- belonging. Sadness. Uncertainty. What would I do next? Where would I go? And worse, would I become like my peers in other schools?

Eventually, everything worked out. I think it always does. I applied to just one school, and got in. Vasant Valley School, ranked the best in all of India. Of course I felt lost at first- from the vast openness of free progress school to the seemingly rigid walls of formal school. However, I overcame these feeling... of doubt, or insecurity- and transformed it into one of belonging, love, happiness.

And now I don't need to make maps in my head, on my palms. Because I can walk into the classrooms, smell the scents in the art room, run across the open courtyard in the pouring rain. I can lie down on the wet grass, talking away; stay up all night studying and enjoying it, and spend hours reading in the library.

Vasant Valley gave me the gift of openness; it taught me never to restrict myself, ever. It also gave me exposure, and awareness.

I feel this journey from one school to the other has really shaped who I am today - because both schools were so complimentary and instrumental to create me- this person who is an amalgamation of contrasts and contradictions.

Mirambika taught me to be infinite, free; and Vasant Valley taught me to be uninhibited and open. One taught me to wander, be lost in the beauty of the world, while the other gave me a structure, a way within this wandering. While one taught me to not restrict myself, the other taught me that I can take that freedom a step further, and treat the whole world as my canvas.

Mirambika gave me my dreams, and Vasant Valley helped me transform them into goals, into reality, into fruition. I always knew I wanted to be involved in something creative when I grow up, but now I know that I want to be a designer- I want to create art, and create worlds through my art for people to explore and get lost in.

And today, I am everything my schools could offer me; but then again, I am more. I am unique, and then I'm not. What I've come to accept through this experience, this story- is that I am just me, a sum of all my experiences and more. I have come to believe in the power of me.

Chela 1 / 2  
Sep 28, 2014   #2
hey Xigogonadaki! I like your essay, it has an edge cause it's unique, and brings out your unique perspective as an Indian applicant. I'd say, though, be more specific with examples. Maybe try to pick out a particular incidence in each school that taught you to be free and uninhibited. Show, don't tell. Otherwise, it's a good idea. Which school are you applying to? Mind reading my stanford supp? Thanks! :-)
OP xigogondaki 2 / 9  
Sep 28, 2014   #3
Thanks for the feedback, much appreciated :)
I'm applying to SAIC and SCAD in the US
vangiespen - / 4077  
Oct 2, 2014   #4
Hello, I have to say that you have written a beautiful essay that shows your academic development from grade school to high school. The only problem, is that I am not sure if the essay you wrote actually satisfies the common app essay requirements because you did not supply the essay prompt for our consideration. Kindly let us know what the prompt is so that a better review of your essay can be created by the members of the forum.

In the meantime, I would like to let you know that you did a very good job with the essay development. Sure the grammatical errors exist and should be corrected. However, until the prompt is given, I will simply look beyond those mistakes. I feel though, that the true essence of the essay can only be found towards the end and is left under developed because you spent so much time talking about mapping and your transfer to high school. Perhaps I will change my mind about that after the prompt is given, or maybe not. We really need to know what direction the essay should be headed in :-)
OP xigogondaki 2 / 9  
Oct 2, 2014   #5
Thank you for the feedback. Really appreciate it!

The essay prompt: A story that is central to your identity

Could you please give me more advise based on the prompt, and also tell me where the grammatical errors lie?
Would be so grateful, I have to send this out really soon!
vangiespen - / 4077  
Oct 2, 2014   #6
The essay prompt: A story that is central to your identity

- Well you certainly told a story that is central to your identity as a student. Your development in this area, based upon your experience in the two schools shows how you developed as a person faced with two different social and learning settings. Let me get to those errors and advice you on certain matters regarding the essay content now :-)with your permission I may revise the paragraph and combine certain parts to make the essay tight and more informative. Remember, the admission officer needs to read hundreds of these a day. So making a strong impression fast is key.

Sometimes I try to create maps in my head. [...] This planted in me this need to be process oriented rather than outcome oriented.

- I am a person who has a tendency to map out my life. I find a sense of order and purpose in doing that. As an elementary student in Mirambika, I learned how to map out the location of certain parts of my school. The open areas of the school, gave me a sense of freedom and lightness. It gave me the gift of exploration as I mapped out its hidden areas and offered me an adventure with every research project, assignment, school play, and other activities that I had to participate in. I imbibed the beauty of my school and associated its existence in my life with infinity. I thought that my youthful adventures of mental mapping would never come to an end. But then to day came when I needed to leave my school for another one. I was entering a new adventure that I could map out in my life.

Eventually, my days in Mirambika were numbered, because the school [...] It also gave me exposure, and awareness.

- I entered Vasant Valley School the next term as a student who did not yet have a sense of belonging and was overcome instead by uncertainty. I went from mapping out my action in a free progressive school to the rigid confines of a traditional academy. I was insecure and filled with doubt at the start. But as I mapped out my plan of action in order to fit into the school society better, things also got better for me. I no longer need to map out things in my head or on my palms. I am now in a similar yet different environment.I am able to turn my dreams into goals and ambitions into reality, all because of the life lessons I learned from both my schools. The commonality between my two schools now being that I am still able to present myself openly, I still do not have to restrict my learning to the classroom, and I am now better exposed to and aware of the things happening around me. The combination of the two schools within me has created a well rounded individual who is ready to face the world and its challenges, armed with an understanding of the world and the ability to mentally map out my plan of action in any given situation.

And today, I am everything my schools could offer me; [...] I have come to believe in the power of me.

- I am now the embodiment of the best traits that both my schools have to offer. In the same breath, I can say I am more than that as well. I am unique even though others may think I am not. I am just me, the sum total of my experiences. I have the power to achieve anything I please, I believe in me because I was taught to trust implicitly in myself by my schools.

I hope the revised essay works for you :-)
OP xigogondaki 2 / 9  
Oct 2, 2014   #7
I am so very very grateful to you for this thorough feedback.
Again, thank you so much!


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