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massive Earthquake on May 12th 2008, Apply texas essay B

tmac 3 / 7  
Nov 28, 2009   #1
This is the prompt
Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

This is my essay:

China's Si Chun province Wen Chun County suffered from a massive Earthquake on May 12th 2008. This Earthquake caused millions of people to become homeless, and the whole county was blown to bits. The next day, newspapers, and internet all reported about this massive Earthquake. Pictures showing the miserable situation were also posted over the internet and newspapers.

The incident had a great impact on me, and my community. Every where I go, I heard people taking about the incident, some people was crying, and some were praying. When I saw that, I became very upset, as I was not able to help those victims who had died and suffered through the earth quake. It also resulted in many of the Chinese students missing their chance of "GaoKao"; an examination that determines whether if they could go to university to receive better education.

"GaoKao" is seen to many Chinese in SiChun as a life saving strategy, for them to get out of poverty, as many of them are poor farmers. It is also a chance that grants them a higher education chance. The earthquake, by destroying the building, takes away the opportunity for the test, and takes away their chance of receiving higher education. This piece of news shocked me; and strong sympathy and will towards helping the victims of the earthquake was also building up inside me. I decided to help the victims to rebuild their homeland, and help them to regain their chance of "GaoKao"

The opportunity came when our school organized a charity that helps the victims who survived from this Earthquake. Many other charities, performing opportunities were also set up around my community, and in Shanghai, to help the victims to rebuild their schools, so that they could have the chance to take their "GaoKao" again.

I participated effectively in many of the charities funding program, and performing opportunities, as I wanted to help the Chinese who suffered in the catastrophe get back their chance of "GaoKao". The only way to do that is to raise money to rebuild the schools. I organized a charity fund raising program, and at the same time, promote the importance of education towards the society.

This issue is important to me, my friends, family and community, as it not only killed many people, but at the same time, it had a negative impact on the education, which is the lifesaver of many poor people in SiChun. The issue made me reflect on my personal education background, and I realize that education is important, as it will pave way for me in the future.

Plz give some advice and comments. Thanks

EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Nov 29, 2009   #2
I've never heard of Rock for Charity, that's great!

...were also posted over the internet and newspapers .

...as many innocent people had died in the Earthquake, and I decided to help those victims it was in my power to help.

Although it's a small amount, but I believe that it is also able towill contribute to the overall rescue process.

The staffs , teachers, and my fellow school mates, all donated money.

However, there was a small portion of my fellow school mates that were unwilling to donate a single cent, and this made me very upset.

We practiced every day during lunch, for one hour. every lunch time.

After 2 weeks, we began selling tickets at school for our performances.

Many tickets were sold, and we received a large amount of money.

My band members and I also cried. too.

Although we were not the best band there, but we received more applause and cheers than any other bands did.

At the time , I told my band members that one day after college...

To me, love is an important factor ...
yang 2 / 313  
Nov 29, 2009   #3
My comments might be a bit harsh and perhaps you are guaranteed acceptance with the 10% rule, so take it or not.

Your essay is a bit off topic. The topic requires that "you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation." not what you have done.

Therefore, you should mainly focus on why did the sichuan earthquake impacted you, and how it moved you to do what you do. Not just by saying, I was very touched, therefore... but by talking in depth about how exactly it influenced your psychology.

Perhaps the second part of your essay, you can talk about the things you did, but beware of the topic, try to not use a topic to aggrandize yourself.

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