Prompt: write on a topic that is of importance to you and reflects who you are (maximum 500 words)
no dream is unattainable
The day my brother received news that his result was cancelled, was a sad day in my family. It was my family's first attempt in sending someone in my family to university. My brother had attended a two-year pre-university course but his results was withheld because he couldn't pay the full tuition. On that day, my mom had cried and so had my brother. After that incident, my burden to finish college intensified.
I dream about the day I would walk up into our living room to a wall with diplomas and accolades reading congrats on getting your B.A in economics hanging on it rather than stories of unfulfilled dreams. In this present age a college experience was vital to succeed, but this wasn't my major motivation for it: it was my family and the community I lived with.
Growing up with parents that did not have college degrees, I witnessed the struggle my parents underwent each day to provide for the family. My dad, for instance, suffered at an early age from arthritis due to his dropping out from school and working in construction sites as a labourer at a young age. That this problem has continued to haunt my family is a major concern. For example, after graduating from high school, transmitting into college was always difficult. No one in my family have been able to get a college degree.
However, It is a common trend in my neighborhood to see kids drop out of school because of financial hardship. Hence, the high number of highschool and college dropouts which make up a high rate of poverty. Growing up, I never wanted to be part of this trend. I wanted to be different; I wanted to go to college. To my family, my college degree would be a great accomplishment but to my community, this would mean much more than that; it would mean answers to its numerous economic problems as I hope to address issues such as illiteracy, unemployment and inflation which are the major problems it faces.
It is for this reason; I sought for a scholarship to study economics. I want to be an example to the youths that no dream is unattainable. I want to be a motivation to these individuals to pursue their dreams and this includes going college.@Chichi9
its an okay essay. Not too strong. You should check the construction of most of your sentences and your tenses as well
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Chinenye, this is truly a subject of importance to you. However, the message that is delivered does not tell me who you are. It reflects the background of your family, the drive of your parents, their ambition for their children, but does not tell me who and why this is important to you beyond the first 3 bits of information I just enumerated. In fact, even the opening of the essay is not about you but about your brother. By the end of the paragraph, I thought the essay was going to be about your brother and I almost stopped reading. The information about you did not come until almost the end of the essay. What is the point of mentioning it then? You would already have lost the interest of the reviewer within the first 2 paragraphs, if you are lucky enough to have him read that far. The reviewer will be looking for personal insight on a topic that reflects your personal development. Not the ambitions of others, not your desire to please our family. Rather, this question is asking you to think of yourself and the point in life that you are at now. Why is your life important to you at this point. Leave the box. Check the family at the door. Focus on you. This is me time. So think of something important to you. It could be a cause, a belief, a desire to achieve something for yourself. Whatever the reason, the only requirement is that it should help to build your character in a written form. This is your chance to let the reviewer know who you are based upon your personal criteria as a person. What else, outside of your desire to please your family is important to you? How has the importance of that topic helped to shape the the person you are today? Think about ideologies, beliefs, opinions. Something that shows the type of character trait that has helped to define you as the person you now are.
