Hey there people of Essay Forum,
I need help on my Common Application essay that is due in a month and a half. I have written this essay a few days ago and I want to see if the essay has a good message. I know that it doesn't have good vocabulary and is not proofread. But it would be helpful to have some suggestions in how to make it better. The story is basically about a friend who is kind of different and is usually alienated from groups. The story is about how I became friends with him. I
Anyways, the prompt that I have chosen is "Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. By the way, I put my friends name as "xxxx" for privacy... So yeah, here is my essay. Any feedback will be extremely helpful.
There is always a person that we meet in life that is different and is alienated from a congregation. There are always reasons that people sway away from these people because they do not fit the norm. One such person that I have met is my friend xxxx. xxxx was always the person who was always picked on by others because of his boisterous voice and his untimely jokes. Many people think that xxxx is just an obnoxious kid, but they do not realize that he is highly intelligent.
As I entered the bright, illuminated room of Kumon, a work place dedicated for the learning of math and reading, I realized I was in unknown territory. I had never met a place with such studious children working with the goal of learning beyond school standards. I saw xxxx for the very first time at Kumon, dressed in his usual white coat. I was eventually able to do well in Kumon for first two years, but when I entered my third year of Kumon, I had realized I was lost. I was frustrated for having to do the same thing for almost six months, but I still encouraged myself to not give up. I desperately needed help, so I had to turn to xxxx.
In the next few weeks, xxxx effortlessly helped me get through my struggles with his eloquent and straightforward teaching. xxxx was definitely very intelligent; he was learning logarithms in the eighth grade. He taught me that math is more about looking out for patterns and looking for alternate routes to answer questions. He would constantly look out for me when I needed help; he was patient and controlled. He constantly looked after me like an older brother, checking on my progress and making sure I was getting tough math problems corrects. xxxx helped me countless times over the years and with his help I was able to keep learning and staying ahead of my school standards.
xxxx and I crossed paths again in the next year in math league in 11th grade. Math league is where high school students who do well in math compete in doing high difficulty math problems. I was going to run for math league president for the first time but when xxxx raised his arm emphatically to run for president as well; I knew I had no choice. I decided to withdraw my candidacy as tribute for xxxx's help through my life and I instead ran for secretary. Even though xxxx had lost, I was happy to give up my position for a friend.
Thanks Everyone!
I need help on my Common Application essay that is due in a month and a half. I have written this essay a few days ago and I want to see if the essay has a good message. I know that it doesn't have good vocabulary and is not proofread. But it would be helpful to have some suggestions in how to make it better. The story is basically about a friend who is kind of different and is usually alienated from groups. The story is about how I became friends with him. I
Anyways, the prompt that I have chosen is "Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. By the way, I put my friends name as "xxxx" for privacy... So yeah, here is my essay. Any feedback will be extremely helpful.
There is always a person that we meet in life that is different and is alienated from a congregation. There are always reasons that people sway away from these people because they do not fit the norm. One such person that I have met is my friend xxxx. xxxx was always the person who was always picked on by others because of his boisterous voice and his untimely jokes. Many people think that xxxx is just an obnoxious kid, but they do not realize that he is highly intelligent.
As I entered the bright, illuminated room of Kumon, a work place dedicated for the learning of math and reading, I realized I was in unknown territory. I had never met a place with such studious children working with the goal of learning beyond school standards. I saw xxxx for the very first time at Kumon, dressed in his usual white coat. I was eventually able to do well in Kumon for first two years, but when I entered my third year of Kumon, I had realized I was lost. I was frustrated for having to do the same thing for almost six months, but I still encouraged myself to not give up. I desperately needed help, so I had to turn to xxxx.
In the next few weeks, xxxx effortlessly helped me get through my struggles with his eloquent and straightforward teaching. xxxx was definitely very intelligent; he was learning logarithms in the eighth grade. He taught me that math is more about looking out for patterns and looking for alternate routes to answer questions. He would constantly look out for me when I needed help; he was patient and controlled. He constantly looked after me like an older brother, checking on my progress and making sure I was getting tough math problems corrects. xxxx helped me countless times over the years and with his help I was able to keep learning and staying ahead of my school standards.
xxxx and I crossed paths again in the next year in math league in 11th grade. Math league is where high school students who do well in math compete in doing high difficulty math problems. I was going to run for math league president for the first time but when xxxx raised his arm emphatically to run for president as well; I knew I had no choice. I decided to withdraw my candidacy as tribute for xxxx's help through my life and I instead ran for secretary. Even though xxxx had lost, I was happy to give up my position for a friend.
Thanks Everyone!
