Can anyone give feedback for this? Am I coming off as arrogant? Is is smooth and flowing? Do I answer the prompt?
Thanks! :D
Note: This is a rough copy that may be scrapped (I have another common app essay, I just want to see how this fares).
Topic: A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
I am no Waldo. My physical features, the clothes I wear, or even my accent do not set me apart from all my Indian friends. Instead it is my name which reveals my true identity. In fact, my name "Immanuel" is a constant reminder of my originality. Yes I am Indian. And yes, I am one of the few (Indians) who are Christian.
Whenever I introduce myself to new people, they sometimes stare at me for a few seconds before they can finally comprehend the fact that I am not the person they initially expect to be. I mean, over 90% of Indian population believes in Hinduism. I am the 2% that is Christian. Though I may be physically similar to others, I believe diversity goes beyond one's physical appearance extending to one's beliefs, interests, and viewpoints. Though I may not be different from my peers on the outside, my extracurricular interests and beliefs diversify me.
My faith in God as a Christian sets me apart from people. I have embraced my religion and try to live my life accordingly. My religion is what actually introduced me to serve others at an early age. When I was young, I would help the members of my church to make sandwiches for the homeless. During the summer of my junior year, I served as a volunteer of the Children's Discovery Museum of San Jose by facilitating the exhibits. Every time I help others I find pride and a sense of satisfaction. Although I have stumbled countless times, I always strive to be a child of God.
It is true that I the traditions I celebrate are different from those of my Hindu friends. While they celebrate holidays like Diwali, I enjoy celebrating Christmas and Easter with my family. Having the opportunity to attend church every day gives me a sense of solace from this busy world, something that constantly refreshes and soothes me.
While I may not be an "Indian" on the inside, I enjoy playing and watching cricket, a traditional Indian sport. Cricket is a sport that links me with my heritage. It has helped me make new friends. When I was in middle school, I took part in a campaign to spread cricket in my school. We were successful in coordinating a district-wide tournament between three schools and a majority of the players eventually joined our club. I also had the opportunity to share my knowledge of cricket by teaching beginners over the summer. My passion for cricket serves as a reminder that I am in fact Indian.
Instead of feeling like an outcast, I believe that I have the best of both worlds. I share the passion of my friends when I cheer for the Indian cricket team. I can see myself organizing a cricket club in college. In college, I can also see myself joining a Christian Club to maintain my faith and to spread it with others. Both my ethnicity and my viewpoints define me. I am unique. And I have a lot to contribute wherever I go.
Very nice essay with a nice topic, I like it. But there I think "outcast" is a little too severe, "eccentric" or "different" sounds better imo. Also I have many friends whose religions are different from mine but cultural diversion does not hinder our friendship. :D
