First, thank you to anyone who takes the time to read critique this essay, this school truly is my biggest goal right now.
I'm really a math guy, and I tried to let it show my analytical nature. However I'm a little worried it might get boring? If you have any thoughts regarding that from the second paragraph please feel free to rip into me, or just rip into this essay in general. At this point telling me to toss it out and start over will not be a problem for me. So without further adieu, have at it:
So where is Waldo, really?
In locating any man, such as Waldo, you must first understand who you are going after. You try to begin with physical characteristics, then work towards the more abstract dissection of personality. Then using this information you start to understand who the man is, and how to find him. Let's begin.
First step: The obvious; Waldo is a caucasian male, of average height (5'8"-6'), light brown hair, round glasses, and has a walking cane. Before coming to the United States, Waldo was actually a British man named Wally (short for Walter). He first appeared publicly in September of 1987, as a full grown adult. Assuming he was somewhere between 20-40 at the time, that marks Walter's current age is in the range of 45-65. He wears the glasses constantly, suggesting nearsightedness.
Next we try to understand more about Walter as a person. His fame can be attributed to the search for him, which many might believe is actually a search. This is where most fall astray. Waldo is seen all around the world "hidden" amongst crowds, but that idea leads only to an assumption. An assumption that he is trying to hide. When one takes a closer look, you notice this man is seen looking directly at the camera in every photo. Why would a man on the run continue to find his way into photos he knew were being taken? Wouldn't any smart He is not the shy and nervous man we presume him to be, but rather an attention seeking egomaniac obsessed with photo-bombing some poor tourist's photography. You see, the search is no search at all. This fact will be key later.
Back to the physical appearance, plus some statistics. According to Clairol, 60% of Americans have brown hair color. The US Census Bureau found that in 2010, 74% of Americans identified as "white", around 488,000 citizens were named Walter, and 26.4% were between the age 45-65. Lookmatic estimates that 32 million Americans are nearsighted, or roughly 10.2%. Add in roughly 2% chance of needing a walking cane, and the average height factor. Multiply it all out and you're left with about 58 men named Walter with all of those characteristics.
58 men who look just like Waldo, but which could it be? You could scour the country, looking for these men in question, but that would be a waste of time. The answer is quite clear: These 58 men are a part of an underground society aimed at baffling young children everywhere. How can you be certain that there is not one Waldo with 57 imposters? This is where that fact mentioned earlier comes into play. Unable to see his glory go to waste, an egomaniac working alone, would have called out these impostors. No, these limelight-thirsty animals realize how much more they can accomplish as a coalition, and they've certain done so. To ask the question where's Waldo is simply a waste of effort. The astronomical odds of finding all 58 before they realize what is happening is overwhelming. The task is nearly impossible. So where is Waldo? Or better yet, who is Waldo?"You try to begin with physical characteristics, (I'm pretty sure a semicolon should be used here instead of the comma) then work towards the more abstract dissection of personality."
"Then using this information ..."
"First step: The obvious;"
Maybe you shouldn't put first step because the way you put it is structured differently than the rest of your piece. ex. it doesn't continue saying "Second step, etc"
And instead of the obvious, you could put the facts.
"He is not the shy and nervous man we presume him to be, but rather an attention seeking egomaniac obsessed with photo-bombing some poor tourist's photography."
Perhaps you could reword this!
"Back to the physical appearance, plus some statistics."
This is grammatically correct (sorry if that sounds harsh LOL).
Maybe you could say let's look back at the physical appearance with some statistics on the side.
Overall, I like the concept you have. The fact that you're a math person and put a bit of a statistical math spin on it is also a nice plus.
Good luck with Uchicago! Check out my Uchicago piece too!(:
This essay is a stumper, and it is a hard topic to write about. I have seen TONS of variance in the responses and I like yours. It had an interesting twist and straightforwardness that I liked. You explored the subject head on, not really looking for a deep connection.
AS i was reading it, I thought humor could be a good addition... "He wears the glasses constantly, suggesting nearsightedness and the possibility that even he cannot find himself. "
Up to you, good work. I could use a critiquing, would you mind?
