'to mentally block the physical pain' - UC essay #2

Rough draft, let me know what you think!

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is
important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does
it relate to the person you are?

Mesa on three! one! two! three! Mesa! That is the phrase me and my teammates yelled before every cross country race. I joined this sport as a freshman, not really knowing what I was getting myself into. On the first day of summer practice I immidietly learned that this sport was the most physically and mentally draining thing I had ever done. The landscape around me, scorched by the hot summer sun was my battle ground. Not against some external enemy, but with myself. I had to keep running even when my entire body told me to stop. I had to learn to push my boundaries, to never give up, and to mentally block the physical pain. All these abilities would be needed and routinely tested.

Fast forward to senior year, I had been running for four years, three of which I was on Varsity for. The race was league finals, and it promised to test me harder than any race before it. Wearing our green racing bibs, me and the team head to the starting area. The race course was my least favorite, the weather was miserable, I had a bad case of shin splints and I was tired from a hard week of studying for finals late into the night. Everything was against me, i knew it, and so did my coach. My coach came to me while we were doing strides and asked if I wanted a teammate to sub in for me. I thought about it for a minute before realizing I had way too much time and energy invested in that moment to throw it away, I told coach i was gonna run it. The team gathers in a circle of our pep talk and mesa chant before getting on the line. "POW!" the gun goes off and so does the line off 300 runners. 17 minutes and 34 seconds later I crossed the finish line with a medal and a new personal best. I am proud of this experience because even in the face of diversity, when everything was against me I still managed to give it everything I had in me and accomplish alot. This experience relates to what kind of person I am in that it shows that im a fighter. I never give up, I always push myself to improve and excel. I always fight to reach my goals. This part of me does not only come out in practice and races. It manifests itself f in all aspects of my life, weather they be athletic or academic.

You have good essay that talks about your leadership, determination :)

few gramatical/ wording suggestions:
-me and the team (the team and I)
-three of which I was on Varsity for (awkward wording.. I don't think the detail is well placed. Try sticking the bit about running for four years and three on varsity to the end of the first paragraph because it doesn't really relate to senior year itself. You want to keep that second paragraph completely in the moment.. you said fast forward, which I love, but then you rewind to the fact that you'd been running cross country for four years. It's an inconsistency is all.)

-in the face of diversity (remove completely, use a different word.)
-gonna (too informal for a college application, I believe. But if you're going for that team environment and feeling, it works, just know that you're taking a risk.)

-alot (A LOT!!!!! That will drive someone NUTS.)

I like it, BUT the last few sentences it seems like you run out of steam. Don't state outright that it relates to the kind of person you are, but go back into the body of the second paragraph and describe some of the specificities of the race (like getting a second wind and pushing past a difficult opponent) because those often, if done right, display more about your character than stating it outright. Hope I helped :)