MEXICAN AMERICAN/ALFREDO QUINONES-HINOJOSA; Experiences -Promotion of DIVERSITY

-TOPIC: Describe current and past experience with the promotion of diversity and how these previous experiences will impact your future promotion of diversity

Diversity is the one true thing we all have in common. No one is exactly the same as anyone else. Diversity is not only different skin colors but a person's background; their principles with diverse range of interests, beliefs and experiences. We don't all have to agree or disagree on a topic; the beauty of it is being able to see different points of views.

Strolling down the streets of *****a, I encounter various people from all around the world. While attending public school, I've made friends from places I didn't even know existed. I am able to learn about their culture and traditions and broaden my knowledge. Knowing about traditions and beliefs of people around the world, I've become open to new opinions. I can contribute to the diversity at ***** University by numerous characteristics. Being Mexican American has been a challenge but I'm proud of who I am. Not only do I need enjoy the American culture, but also my Mexican traditions. My culture has constructed me. I'm able to listen to my peer's opinions and respect them for who they are. Being tolerant and accepting is important to me because I can accept and take into consideration other people's points of views, evaluate the opinions, and finally make my own.

Working at ****** Clinic in *******, where the majority of patients belong to minority groups, I have come to realize the health care field needs more bilingual female doctors. Alfredo QuiĂąones-Hinojosa, a neurosurgeon in John Hopkins Hospital, has been my role model. He was an illegal immigrant from Mexico, but he obtained his citizenship and is a very prestigious neurosurgeon. I am hopeful of someday being a person who has made a change in this world by encouraging another young adult to fulfill their dreams; just how Dr. Quinones has made an effect on me.

While attending ****** I intend to keep advocating the beauty of diversity and having different opinions in addition to expressing them. Diversity makes a major part in the creation of the United States. Cesar Chavez said, "We need to help students and parents cherish and preserve the ethnic and cultural diversity that nourishes and strengthens this community and this nation." If we were all the same, medical or technology advances that we have wouldn't have come upon. I believe ******* is a great place to spread the idea that being different is a privilege that we all have.

You have a very interesting background, and an interesting take on this prompt. I liked how you integrated your Mexican culture into this essay, but I would have liked to see a little more of that, as well as a little more organization in your thoughts. You could structure it by writing about being an American: how you promote diversity by listening to others' opinions and learning from others' cultures (be specific!).

Then you could write about being Mexican and elaborate on your family, heritage, or lifestyle. Then you could write about how you admire someone who broke racial stereotypes and circumstances to become a neurosurgeon. And then you could write how you want to promote diversity by breaking the status quo.

And you could conclude with how that both your open-mindedness and your desire to do whatever it takes to impact others will help you promote diversity in the future as a doctor.

Describe current and past experience with the promotion of diversity and how these previous experiences will impact your future promotion of diversity
I don't think you have completely answered this question. Try to come up with some things you've done that involved sharing culture with others... I think the first half of the paper is kind of vague, It would be way more interesting to add specific, personal scenarios... I really think that that is what the question is asking for.

Diversity is not only different skin colors but a person's background; their principles with diverse range of interests, beliefs and experiences.
I think you could write something more profound in place of this sentence. It is too basic.

We don't all have to agree or disagree on a topic; the beauty of it is being able to see different points of views.

At this point in your paper, begin leading into the paper by a sentence like: Diversity helps us to learn, be accepting and inspired, and to appreciate the heritage that other cultures can teach us.

Strolling down the streets of *****a, I encounter various people from all around the world.
How about something more specific, where people gather, like a park, mall, or festival.

I can contribute to the diversity at ***** University by numerous characteristics.
Be sure to explain what "actions" you took to promote diversity... not necessarily your personal qualities.

It's a 400 word essay. I know i can go into depth a lot more, but it exceeds the word limit. I'm not sure what to include or what to take out.

Maybe I would just focus on your experience working at the clinic and your impression of Dr. QuiĂąones-Hinojosa, which is the latter 199 words of your essay, and build off of that, writing how he showed you that diversity is not passive like the color of your skin; it's an action, the stereotypes you challenge and the people you influence. And then you can work in the open-mindedness you learned as an American, and elaborate on ways you will use open-mindedness and your understanding of diversity on a campus and in a medical career.