Mexican and Arabian - two best friends. Diversity from a different perspective. College APP

These are two essay for a programs, please help with either of the two. I plan to use this in my future college apps this year

Tell us how your own experiences and background will allow you to contribute to these conversations

The best people we ever meet, are people who are usually different from ourselves by having different qualities than ours or just at a higher level that we admire. Diversity is such an important issue and learning to understand it is essential to keep away the prejudice accusations and comments. Hearing and understanding other people, besides ourselves is a gift that should be well used by communicating with people from different cultures than ours to expand our minds, ideas, and thoughts. Looking at things from a different point of view is great because it is those moments that the most brilliant ideas emerge.

In the United States we have the opportunity to interact with people of different cultures, but it is within us to accept the offer and go on to meet new people. I myself come from Mexicali, Mexico a small state where culture and family values are extremely important. I came to the United State when I was six years old, two years after my parents. The transition from my town to Los Angeles was hard and not knowing the language made it worst. However, I overcame financial, discriminating, and bullying obstacles because of trouble that my immigrant background would give me.

Who would ever say a Mexican would be best friends with an Arabian. Two significantly different backgrounds yet very similar because of the future educational goals we have. Meeting people from different backgrounds opened up my mind from the small town girl mind that I use to have now beeing able to see things and life a different perspectives; in ways I would have not been able to in my old town. In addition, it gave me a sense of wanting to continue with an education that I thought at first would be impossible. Now not only do I want that education now but truly believe in myself because other people believe in me unlike myself and their points of view have made me a better person because I not only listen to myself but others.

krobledo226 !!!
Here I make some suggestions:

-The best people we ever meet, are people who are usually different from ourselvesusby having , those who have different qualities than ours or just at .They are maybe at a higher level that we admirethan us .

-Diversity is such an important issue and learning to understand it is essential to keep away the prejudice accusations and comments.
You'd better say:
Accepting differences and adapting with diversity is crucial for the new generation. It's a duty for us to be tolerant, open-minded and indulgent. We have to throw away prejudices, misconceptions and bias.

-Hearing and understanding other people, besides ourselves is a gift that should be well used by communicating with people from different cultures than ours to expand our minds, ideas, and thoughts. Looking at things from a different point of view is great because it is those moments that the most brilliant ideas emerge.

You'd better say:

Communicating with people from different cultures is a special opportunity to shape our attitudes toward the universe, enlarge our knowledge and open a window onto the world. When we consider a different perspective, we can shape our consiousness and emerge some brilliant ideas.

-... people offrom different cultures..

-... but it is withinup to us to accept the ..

- Personally, I myself come from Mexicali,Baja California, Mexico.(It's important to intoduce where you live precisely, foreigns people do not know Mexicali)

-. Mexico a small state country where culture and family values are extremely important valued.
______ Actually, I don't agree that Mexico is a small country.It's rather a huge country.Geographically, it covers almost 2 millions km2. Demographically, it's the most populous Spanish-speaking country in the world (more than 120 millions) .

-.. two years after my parents migration .

-The transitionImmigration from my town to...

- and not knowing theand language barrier made it worstworse . (mind your spelling)

-However, I managed to overcome finiancial problems, streotypes and hate. Now, I feel that my immigrant background was beneficial for my lifeovercame financial, discriminating, and bullying obstacles because of trouble that my immigrant background would give me.

- Arabian? (means that he's native from Arabia), I guess he is simply Arab.

Good luck

@Dawn01 Thank you very much, I meant to say Mexicali is a small town instead of Mexico. Thank you very much.. does it answer the prompt?

Hi, krobledo226 again !!

Actually, I focused on grammar because I felt that it's exhausting to consider the meaning for a paper that has lapses in quality and contains a lot of structure, style, grammar and spelling mistakes. It was hard for me to understand the message that you want to deliver due to the amount of mistakes. But, let's say that it is a first draft. You have to improve your style and grammar because rhetoric is important in Common App Essays. So, this is your first step. Ok, let's forget language, I wonder that your essay is broad generalization of yor life and experience. What I recommend is that you engage in a deep analyze and treat details smoothly. You have to paint a unique picture of your background and experience because Application Officers put their interest on what is special on you and what differentiates you from other Hispanic.

I hope this helped a bit !!
Good luck !

P.S: each thread is reserved for one essay. It's better to concentrate on one rather then to quicken with little quality.