Hello, I just wanted a little feedback on my Rutgers Admissions essay. I had a few concerns about grammar and the overall composition of the essay. Any feedback is welcomed!!! Thank you :)
The question and answer are as followed:
Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences.
The sign I saw on a campus bus traveling down George St. in New Brunswick, "Rutgers -Jersey Roots, Global Reach" suggests that, Rutgers is a microcosm of the global community. As a child growing up in the New Brunswick area, I recall seeing people from all over the world and my parents explained to me, that they were students at Rutgers. I remember being fascinated by the variety of different people coming together in one place. It made me happy to see that everyone was getting along and living together even though, they all seemed so different from each other.
However, having a respect for diversity was nothing new to me. It was taught to me when, both of my parents initiated my learning of my heritage but, from opposite sides. My mother, who is Puerto Rican, read to us about the Underground Railroad while, my father, who is African American, cooked traditional Puerto Rican recipes which he has grown to love. I believe that, everything my parents taught me has led me to pursue many endeavors in different diverse environments. For example we are members of the Reformed Church of Highland Park, which is host to a diverse group of people from different cultures. To me, this church truly embodies the meaning of diversity, with its colorful congregation of people from all different walks of life. For instance, there is a large LGBTQ community in my church, and one of the Co-Pastors, who happens to be one of my biggest mentors, is a Lesbian woman. Another diverse environment in which I have worked, is writing for Sex, Etc., a teen health magazine run by Answer at Rutgers University. Working for Sex Etc., granted me an opportunity to not only learn about how different cultures deal with sexuality and health related issues, but to also work with a diverse staff of students with all kinds of personalities and lifestyles.
I believe that my upbringing has greatly affected who I am today, and the kind of environments I choose to immerse myself in. I believe that Rutgers is a microcosm of the global community, and that is what attracts me to it the most. I want to go to a school where there is a variety of different kinds of students, and that is exactly what Rutgers has to offer. By attending Rutgers University, I believe that I will be able to further extend my knowledge of different kinds of people, cultures, and lifestyles, and I will also be able to experience a campus teeming with opportunities to meet new and exciting students with different life experiences from my own. I also believe that, I can contribute an attitude of open-mindedness and acceptance that can help my peers break away from believing the rhetoric surrounding people who are different from themselves. Lastly, I can contribute my drive to excel that can, hopefully, affect my peers to push themselves, and succeed in their futures as well.
The question and answer are as followed:
Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences.
The sign I saw on a campus bus traveling down George St. in New Brunswick, "Rutgers -Jersey Roots, Global Reach" suggests that, Rutgers is a microcosm of the global community. As a child growing up in the New Brunswick area, I recall seeing people from all over the world and my parents explained to me, that they were students at Rutgers. I remember being fascinated by the variety of different people coming together in one place. It made me happy to see that everyone was getting along and living together even though, they all seemed so different from each other.
However, having a respect for diversity was nothing new to me. It was taught to me when, both of my parents initiated my learning of my heritage but, from opposite sides. My mother, who is Puerto Rican, read to us about the Underground Railroad while, my father, who is African American, cooked traditional Puerto Rican recipes which he has grown to love. I believe that, everything my parents taught me has led me to pursue many endeavors in different diverse environments. For example we are members of the Reformed Church of Highland Park, which is host to a diverse group of people from different cultures. To me, this church truly embodies the meaning of diversity, with its colorful congregation of people from all different walks of life. For instance, there is a large LGBTQ community in my church, and one of the Co-Pastors, who happens to be one of my biggest mentors, is a Lesbian woman. Another diverse environment in which I have worked, is writing for Sex, Etc., a teen health magazine run by Answer at Rutgers University. Working for Sex Etc., granted me an opportunity to not only learn about how different cultures deal with sexuality and health related issues, but to also work with a diverse staff of students with all kinds of personalities and lifestyles.
I believe that my upbringing has greatly affected who I am today, and the kind of environments I choose to immerse myself in. I believe that Rutgers is a microcosm of the global community, and that is what attracts me to it the most. I want to go to a school where there is a variety of different kinds of students, and that is exactly what Rutgers has to offer. By attending Rutgers University, I believe that I will be able to further extend my knowledge of different kinds of people, cultures, and lifestyles, and I will also be able to experience a campus teeming with opportunities to meet new and exciting students with different life experiences from my own. I also believe that, I can contribute an attitude of open-mindedness and acceptance that can help my peers break away from believing the rhetoric surrounding people who are different from themselves. Lastly, I can contribute my drive to excel that can, hopefully, affect my peers to push themselves, and succeed in their futures as well.