There's only a few hours before I submit both of them. Any feedback would be helpful! More importantly do my essay clearly focus on the prompt?
UC Prompt #1:
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. *
As a trail of blood trickles down the hallway, shrieks of agonizing pain fill the room. "Dr. Hendricks, we're losing her; she's slipping into a coma." In the midst of the chaos, there are dozens of people in excruciating pain, clinging to life - haggard parents trying to pacify their terrified kids; confused old men and women fretting on their gurneys; people vying for my attention, desperate for my help. Though this sounds like a scene from a movie, this is a scenario I envision myself facing within the next twelve years.
This dream, however, was by no means obtained on own; everything that I am and everything that I have become has evolved from the values of my parents and those unexpected people in life, particularly Miss Brunette.
I was quite skeptical walking into a nursing home for the first time especially as a timid sixth grader. The taunting words of my friends played over and over in my head. "Hold your nose, it's gonna reek. You better not say the wrong thing, or they will go crazy on you!" However, to my relief, it was nothing like the painted image in my head, or the unrealistic scenes in movies. The facility was homey and everyone was cheerful, everyone except my assigned elder.
There Miss Brunette sat, grim and grumpy. I turned, and watched as all my other classmates cheerfully hopped into the residents' laps and began reading. It was like these people were their actual grandparents and they were finally reuniting after a long separation.
"Just great," I thought to myself. "My lady is Oscar the Grouch."
Nevertheless, without two words said, she allowed me to sit in her lap and I began to read. Throughout the story, she made sighs of boredom and irritation, and even yawned a few times, but, as soon as I finished, she did something unexpected -- she smiled and exclaimed, "Thank goodness you're done!" What I initially took as a rude statement came to be the beginning of an unexpected friendship.
As soon as I finished the story she did not stop talking. She did not want to be treated like someone younger than me, but to share her experiences with someone who would be impacted by them. She was a bumble bee that could not stop buzzing. Within the next hour we discussed her family, childhood, and she even shared a few words of wisdom. That hour was one of the best and most influential times of my life. I gained a new respect for elders and became more receptive towards the people that I met. She taught me more about life than any textbook ever could. When I was around Miss Brunette, I could feel myself grow as a person. She opened my eyes to the bigger picture in life.
I visited Miss Brunette at least twice a month for the next three years, until she passed. Her deteriorating health was the only topic she could not expound on. Even her doctors could not figure out what was ailing her. Since losing such a dear friend, I have desired to become a doctor so that the devastating effect of loss does not have to be felt by others.
UC Prompt #2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are? *
Picture this: I am on a gigantic international airliner heading over the crystal clear Caribbean waters. I am excited about my destination, but do not quite know what is in store. A few hours later I awake to the turbulence of the airplane, the voice of the captain, and the spilled drink of my neighbor. When I step onto the grayish tarmac, I am barraged with hot, steamy, sticky air, full of the smell of car fumes and pollution. I have just arrived in Managua, Nicaragua, and there are no words to describe the surprises and tribulations that I will encounter during the next eight days.
The first time I travelled to Nicaragua was an experience that changed my life. It is a whole different world from Atlanta. There are animals in the middle of dirt roads that serve as highways, and there are families whose living circumstances would be unimaginable in America. Although I quickly adjusted to the sweltering heat and the rice-and-beans diet, the poverty I witnessed everyday was hard to swallow. But, this is what motivated me to give my all to the people on my short, church-sponsored trip.
Every project planned on the trip seemed rigorous, and I knew that determination would be indispensable. For example, I was charged with the task of nailing a new roof onto a two-story house made of scraps of wood with no ladder and a hundred-and-ten degree heat index. "You want me to do what?" Well, as it turns out, I did manage to somehow scale the house and nail on a new roof and live to tell the story.
Making the most of this specific experience, I accepted an invitation to sit with the family members who were grateful of their new roof. After chatting for a while, in Spanish of course, I discovered that the local school was over five miles away, and that the children had to walk to attend it. This harsh reality led me to think of the children in the United States who complain about going to school all the time. They complain about getting up early. They complain about homework. They complain if the cafeteria is out of chocolate milk. They complain about everything, while the Nicaraguan children walk miles every day to receive a basic education, something I had always taken for granted.
My trips to Nicaragua have made me reevaluate my priorities and discover what kind of person I am. I realize that my drive to help others is overpowering something I need to utilize. I now know not to take anything for granted, not even fresh water. I now realize that it would be selfish not to take advantage of the opportunities available to me, making my goals and dreams distinct possibilities. I know that California is not a tropical rainforest, and I most likely will not be scaling a university building to put a new roof on it, but it will be a different world for me, just like Nicaragua was. I am eager to take on a new challenge and partake in an experience that will be equally as life-changing.
UC Prompt #1:
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. *
As a trail of blood trickles down the hallway, shrieks of agonizing pain fill the room. "Dr. Hendricks, we're losing her; she's slipping into a coma." In the midst of the chaos, there are dozens of people in excruciating pain, clinging to life - haggard parents trying to pacify their terrified kids; confused old men and women fretting on their gurneys; people vying for my attention, desperate for my help. Though this sounds like a scene from a movie, this is a scenario I envision myself facing within the next twelve years.
This dream, however, was by no means obtained on own; everything that I am and everything that I have become has evolved from the values of my parents and those unexpected people in life, particularly Miss Brunette.
I was quite skeptical walking into a nursing home for the first time especially as a timid sixth grader. The taunting words of my friends played over and over in my head. "Hold your nose, it's gonna reek. You better not say the wrong thing, or they will go crazy on you!" However, to my relief, it was nothing like the painted image in my head, or the unrealistic scenes in movies. The facility was homey and everyone was cheerful, everyone except my assigned elder.
There Miss Brunette sat, grim and grumpy. I turned, and watched as all my other classmates cheerfully hopped into the residents' laps and began reading. It was like these people were their actual grandparents and they were finally reuniting after a long separation.
"Just great," I thought to myself. "My lady is Oscar the Grouch."
Nevertheless, without two words said, she allowed me to sit in her lap and I began to read. Throughout the story, she made sighs of boredom and irritation, and even yawned a few times, but, as soon as I finished, she did something unexpected -- she smiled and exclaimed, "Thank goodness you're done!" What I initially took as a rude statement came to be the beginning of an unexpected friendship.
As soon as I finished the story she did not stop talking. She did not want to be treated like someone younger than me, but to share her experiences with someone who would be impacted by them. She was a bumble bee that could not stop buzzing. Within the next hour we discussed her family, childhood, and she even shared a few words of wisdom. That hour was one of the best and most influential times of my life. I gained a new respect for elders and became more receptive towards the people that I met. She taught me more about life than any textbook ever could. When I was around Miss Brunette, I could feel myself grow as a person. She opened my eyes to the bigger picture in life.
I visited Miss Brunette at least twice a month for the next three years, until she passed. Her deteriorating health was the only topic she could not expound on. Even her doctors could not figure out what was ailing her. Since losing such a dear friend, I have desired to become a doctor so that the devastating effect of loss does not have to be felt by others.
UC Prompt #2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are? *
Picture this: I am on a gigantic international airliner heading over the crystal clear Caribbean waters. I am excited about my destination, but do not quite know what is in store. A few hours later I awake to the turbulence of the airplane, the voice of the captain, and the spilled drink of my neighbor. When I step onto the grayish tarmac, I am barraged with hot, steamy, sticky air, full of the smell of car fumes and pollution. I have just arrived in Managua, Nicaragua, and there are no words to describe the surprises and tribulations that I will encounter during the next eight days.
The first time I travelled to Nicaragua was an experience that changed my life. It is a whole different world from Atlanta. There are animals in the middle of dirt roads that serve as highways, and there are families whose living circumstances would be unimaginable in America. Although I quickly adjusted to the sweltering heat and the rice-and-beans diet, the poverty I witnessed everyday was hard to swallow. But, this is what motivated me to give my all to the people on my short, church-sponsored trip.
Every project planned on the trip seemed rigorous, and I knew that determination would be indispensable. For example, I was charged with the task of nailing a new roof onto a two-story house made of scraps of wood with no ladder and a hundred-and-ten degree heat index. "You want me to do what?" Well, as it turns out, I did manage to somehow scale the house and nail on a new roof and live to tell the story.
Making the most of this specific experience, I accepted an invitation to sit with the family members who were grateful of their new roof. After chatting for a while, in Spanish of course, I discovered that the local school was over five miles away, and that the children had to walk to attend it. This harsh reality led me to think of the children in the United States who complain about going to school all the time. They complain about getting up early. They complain about homework. They complain if the cafeteria is out of chocolate milk. They complain about everything, while the Nicaraguan children walk miles every day to receive a basic education, something I had always taken for granted.
My trips to Nicaragua have made me reevaluate my priorities and discover what kind of person I am. I realize that my drive to help others is overpowering something I need to utilize. I now know not to take anything for granted, not even fresh water. I now realize that it would be selfish not to take advantage of the opportunities available to me, making my goals and dreams distinct possibilities. I know that California is not a tropical rainforest, and I most likely will not be scaling a university building to put a new roof on it, but it will be a different world for me, just like Nicaragua was. I am eager to take on a new challenge and partake in an experience that will be equally as life-changing.
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