We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer)
-Armageddon has arrived. Aliens are at our doorstep with no intention of casual conversation, while everyone's cell phone ceases to function. Panic and chaos have set up camp and are ready to play. I turn the page in anticipation of the next thing to go awry because, even in the book-world, Murphy's Law applies. Reading for most is a temporary visit to fantasy land. For me, it's a prophecy to be fulfilled. Technology and ideas utilized in novels spark the invention of tools for reality. The possibilities in books unlock my endorphins.
Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why? (*) (100 words or fewer)
-I am enthralled by all the engineering departments hosted at MIT, but when I read about the creation of needle-free drug injectors in the MechE Department I rolled around the carpet with joy and insisted "I want to be a part of that right now!" I abhor feeling weak every time I venture to the doctors and panic over a needle. Mechanical engineering encompasses a diverse range of topics from which I can explore my inspirations. It is the small things that make the world better for everyone.
-Both of these are within the requirements.
Reading for most is a temporary visit to fantasy land. For me, it's a prophecy to be fulfilled.
This doesn't quite make sense. In the context of your very attention-grabbing introduction, it makes it seem as though you believe what you described is going to happen. That's not what you meant... right?
I don't mean that Armageddon is going to happen. But a majority of technology that has been invented, was inspired by science fiction novels. I was trying to protray how novels inspire me to create and encourage the notion that nothing is impossible.
haha, I don't mean to say that the things I wrote were going to happen. How could I word it to say what I mean without sounding corny?
it makes it seem as though you believe what you described is going to happen.
Actually, it's worse than that. It could be read as saying you believe you should strive to bring about Armageddon, a worrying goal for someone trying to improve his engineering skills . . .
lol. That is definitely NOT what I am trying to say.
I think I weeded out that impression here:
Armageddon has arrived. Aliens are at the doorstep with no intention of casual conversation, while everyone's cell phone ceases to function. Panic and chaos have set up camp and are ready to play. I turn the page in anticipation of the next thing to go awry because, even in the book-world, Murphy's Law applies. Pleasure reading allows me to ponder and question outside the box of reality. While the scenarios presented in science fiction novels are obviously fictional, the underlying story of people working together to solve a problem (and Murphy's Law) is very real. The escape built by a composition of words allows me to relax and imagine.
it is 107 words (the limit is 100)
Changing your verbs from the passive voice tot he active will not only strengthen your essay, but give you a few more slots for words to elaborate on the points that you make. Allow me to take out a few superfluous words for you, *grin*
Armageddon has arrives . Aliens are atcrowd the doorstep with no intention of casual conversation, while everyone's cell phones ceases to function. Panic and chaos have set up camp[,]and are ready to play. I turn the page in anticipation of the next thing to go awry because, even in the book-world, Murphy's Law applies. Pleasure reading allows me to ponder and question outside the box of reality. While the scenarios presented in science fiction novels are obviously fictional, the underlying story of people working together to solve a problemproblem solving together (and Murphy's Law) is very real. The escape built by a composition of words allows me to relax and imagine.
There! It is right at 100 words. It could be tightened a little more, but this should give you a starting place for reworking your words.
