Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why? (*) (100 words or fewer) 123 words currently.
I have always been in awe of technology. Since my first program in the 8th grade - which stored medical records for my parents' clinic - I have come a long way, building robots and websites, and carrying out investigations on the security of my school's computer network.
MIT's EECS program provides a great platform to experience different concentrations under UROP, such as neural networks, human-computer interaction and artificial intelligence, before homing into a specific field.
On the other hand, TED videos and news columns from the likes of Dan Ariely, Laurie Santos and Tim Harford have triggered my interest in the rationality behind human decision-making. I would therefore consider doing a minor in Behavioral Economics and working with the Media Lab's Human Dynamics group.
-Neil S
Above is my response to the given prompt. Any feedback would be appreciated? I'm especially concerned about whether my passion for technology comes through, and about the transition between computer science and economics.
Thanks for your comments on my essay. I'll certainly consider your suggested revisions.
Since my first program in the 8th grade - which stored medical records for my parents' clinic - I have come a long way, building robots and websites, and carrying out investigations on the security of my school's computer network.
--- ^ the phrasing is a little awkward. I would try "My first program in the 8th grade stored medical records for my parents' clinic. I have since come a long way: building robots, websites and investigating the security of my school's computer network."
MIT's EECS program provides a great platform to experience different concentrations under UROP, such as neural networks, human-computer interaction and artificial intelligence, before homing into a specific field.
--- ^ Still does not make clear why it appeals to you. I would save the words from "neural networks, human-computer interaction and artificial intelligence" and invest the words on elaborating why being able to experience different concentrations before specialising is important to you / appeals to you.
On the other hand, TED videos and news columns from the likes of Dan Ariely, Laurie Santos and Tim Harford have triggered my interest in the rationality behind human decision-making. I wouldwill therefore consider doing a minor in Behavioral Economics and working with the Media Lab's Human Dynamics group.
--- ^ "On the other hand" cues the reader to a contrary view. What I believe you meant to convey was to add on to how your interest grew.
Hey, another MIT essay. =]
I have always been in awe of technology.SinceCreating my first program in the 8th grade - which stored medical records for my parents' clinic - I have come a long waygradually advanced/progressed , building robots and websites, and carrying out investigations on the security of my school's computer network.
MIT's EECS program provides a great platform to experience different concentrations under UROP, such as neural networks, human-computer interaction and artificial intelligence, before homing into a specific field.
On the other hand, TED videos and news columns from the likes of Dan Ariely, Laurie Santos and Tim Harford have triggered my interest in the rationality behind humanand decision-making. I would, therefore, consider doinghaving a minor in Behavioral Economics and working with the Media Lab's Human Dynamics group.
Have fun!
Hey-oh. I haven't read the comments of previous readers, cause I feel it sometimes inhibits my ability to judge an essay, so do pardon me if what I say mirrors what they already have.
" I have always been in awe of technology.[Sigh. SO cliche. Really. Your COMMENTS on MY essay made me smile to myself, why can't the beginning of your essay do that? I wouldn't skip to the next sentence either, just think of a really nice, dramatic first sentence?] Since my first program in the 8th grade - which stored medical records for my parents' clinic - I have come a long way, building robots and websites, and carrying out investigations on the security of my school's computer network. (My biggest problem with this is that while the content is striking, the style is eminently forgettable and does not stress... anything. How I would do it would be something like: 'Robots. Websites. Security investigation. With technology at my hands, I'm the master builder; I create living entities out of bits and bytes. I find it incredible that my tryst with this limitless medium started with a simple storage program in my eighth grade.'(Obviously don't use that, it's too impromptu, unrefined and layman) Basically, that starts with your future with technology and why that excites you; and progresses into a reminiscence about your humble origins, so to speak, which should only confirm the depth of passion you display in the first half. Tat's just my style, though, and just a suggestion... feel free to adopt if you feel it suits your writing! )
MIT's EECS program provides a great platform to experience different concentrations under UROP, such as neural networks, human-computer interaction and artificial intelligence, before homing into a specific field. [Hmm... like I said, there's nothing WRONG with that, but there has got to be at least one other applicant with a similar sentence. Make it stylistically fresh- use superlatives, imagery, metaphors, SOMETHING. A 200 word essay has space for a couple of uninspired sentences, not a 100 word essay. Make each thing you say unforgettable]
On the other hand,Further TED videos and news columns from the likes of Dan Ariely, Laurie Santos and Tim Harford have triggered my interest in the rationality behind human decision-making. I would therefore consider (Don't consider, say you're interested in) doing a minor in Behavioral Economics and working with the Media Lab's Human Dynamics group." : for a word count problem, that last bit in italics can be chucked.
Conclusion. I know, word count and all that jazz. But I sincerely believe that any well-structured essay should have at least one stand-alone sentence at the end that concludes the entire piece, and this doesn't have that.The last thing you leave them with on the subject should not be 'Media Lab's Human Dynamics group', it should be a really personal line.
Apart from that, your passion/background is evident and there's no question about your ability... it's just making sure they remember that.
Oh wow. Sigh. So long. Hope, after all this, I helped. Good luck getting in!
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