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MIT creativity essay " How i convinced students to donate blood"



hzia2002 2 / 6  
Dec 28, 2009   #1
hi, i know it maybe odd topic for the creativity essay but this is the only project i have ever led. the word count is 281 and i need to cut it down by 30 words . Thanks in advance

Tell us about a time you used your creativity. This could be something you made, a project that you led, an idea that you came up with, or pretty much anything else. (*) (200-250 words)

It is one thing to do an appreciable deed yourself; a totally different matter to convince others to do it. I was overwhelmed by a similar feeling when I first had the idea of starting a voluntary blood drive in my school. Even before I had talked to anyone of my school fellows, I knew that convincing them to donate blood would be no walk in the park.

Though every person required a different approach, I used three basic tactics to persuade my fellows. For some the lure of being an unsung hero, someone who is going to save a life, was enough to convince them for donation. For others I rattled my brains for reasons that would appeal to them. Some of my fellows were studying economics and I used their knowledge of subject to my fullest advantage. A healthy adult can only donate three units of blood every year, roughly the same amount used in an average major operation. Major surgeries will never cease to happen so I used the simple argument of maintaining a supply of blood for the hospital, for the purpose of saving lives, to convince the young economists for donation. To induce the rest I made them realize that it was their social responsibility to give blood as we humans are the only source of blood and hospitals have a constant requirement for blood.

Although not many of my peers actually donated blood, as they were denied permission by their parents; something which I had overlooked, I was still satisfied that I had convinced, in person, many of my peers to donate blood. I believe one day, if not today, they will donate blood voluntarily

sixfoottall 3 / 16  
Dec 28, 2009   #2
Hey hassan, one thing i like about your writing is that its very simple and honest such that I could hear your voice.

One thing that i felt awkward was your first sentence.

*It is one thing to do an appreciable deed yourself; a totally different matter to convince others to do it.*

I think you can improve on this sentence. Im not sure if you agree with me, just some suggestion. :)

Overall i think it pretty much answers the question, and keep with such simple writing. All the best for you!
apparitionstea 1 / 5  
Dec 31, 2009   #3
For some, the lure of being an unsung hero, someone who is going to save a life, was convincing enough .

For others, I rattled my brains for reasons that would appeal to them.

Major surgeries will never cease to happen so I used the simple argument of maintaining a supply of blood for the hospital, for the purpose of saving lives, to convince the young economists for donation.

This sentence is a bit wordy.

To induce the rest, I made them realize that it was their social responsibility to give blood as we humans are the only source of blood and hospitals are in constant need .

Overall, it's pretty good. If you need too cut more words out, speak in the present tense, it removes a lot of "I"s. For example "I rattled" turns into "rattling" and "I made them realized" turns into "making them realize."


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