MIT Essay : Cultural Background and Identity. Essay Evaluation

born in multicultural india

I am from India. A country known for its diversity and unique culture that has shaped me into a unique individual that I am proud of. I was born in Bihar in a small town 'Kahalgaon'. Both my parents are from small villages. Having born in northern India, I have spent most of my life in Southern states of India. Being a Hindu, I have been taught to be very respectful of family values. With so many languages spoken, I am fluent in Hindi, English, Kannada, Tamil, Bhojpuri and Angika. I feel India is a combination of different countries. I grew up hearing and listening to my elder ones on what is right and wrong. It's a generation of morals that I carry with me and refer to constantly, sometimes without even realizing it.

Can someone help me make this essay better in terms of ideas and vocabulary.

@Ronitsingh1405
Hi! I hope this feeback can help you!
When I read this essay, I feel like it is quite vague and generic. Though, there are many things your Indian backgroud contributes to you identity, maybe you should pick one with the most meaning and elaborate on it. I don't exactly see how influential your Indian backgroud has been on you identity. As for the vocabulary, I suggest that you don't force it. Go back and reread you essay, and maybe spice up the sentence structures with some dependent clauses; this will naturally allow you to use more creative words. Good luck!