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MIT essay. Tell us about your creativity,(undergrad admission)



edolhu 2 / 1  
Dec 31, 2009   #1
Tell us about your creativity. This could be something you made, project that you led, an idea that you came up with, or pretty much anything else.

My powerful vision for developing new ways to counteracting climate change received forceful support among the members of the "Beyond the Bell Leadership" group at my school. I headed the idea of creating a recycling program that would provide our youth an opportunity to learn about the conservation of resources. Our group of leaders held various after school meetings in which we discussed different ways of expanding the concept of recycling and created the conditions for this idea to flourish. I visited many local supermarkets and asked for used cardboard boxes. We were able to use these as recycling receptacles, which were and continue to be distributed in each classroom at my school. I, then, transformed our collected materials into profit by recycling them cleanly and efficiently. The grand initiative of a few leaders unexpectedly galvanized an enormous mass of students willing to take this program to the next level. Our American fighting spirit emerged as different clubs worked jointly for a common cause-to seek new frontiers for the benefit of our school and society. My philosophy of combating global warming through recycling became a sustainable contribution at my school. The leadership and determination of the pioneers of the most far-reaching program - the recycling program-left an indelible imprint on my campus, by forming a new generation of students who will someday leave remarkable tracks of their own.

apparitionstea 1 / 5  
Dec 31, 2009   #2
My powerful vision for developing new ways to counteract climate change received forceful support among the members of the "Beyond the Bell Leadership" group at my school.

This is a good topic to write about, but I feel like you should "show rather than tell" more. I think this essay could be in a more active voice. Try using present tense. For example, you could say:

After visiting many local supermarkets, I was able to gather many unwanted cardboard boxes that we were able to use as recycling receptacles, which continue to be distributed around the classrooms of my school today.

Some sentences can be combined to make the essay flow better.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jan 8, 2010   #3
new ways of counteracting climate change...

We were able to use these as recycling receptacles, and even now they which were and continue to be distributed ...

Your ending is excellent!

:-)


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