"the MNSU student" - your background, interests, purpose for studying in uni

Hi everyone!
I am so excited. I got my IELTS result and i would like to thank everyone who helped me in this path now I am applying to a university in US. I am not really familiar with this kind of essay so i would really appreciate your comments.Also please tell me is it enough or not.

Thank you in advance.

topic:Please write a one-page essay in English. Describe your background, interests, purpose for

studying at Minnesota State University, Mankato, and how this education will benefit you and your career.

From the early beginning of my childhood, I was so keen on playing with plates and logos and making new cities and try to manage the roads and buildings. It was obvious to everyone that I was one of those guys who is interested in bringing new ideas into the table and design and innovate new stuff. Thankfully, I had very stable upbringing and my parents let my talent to grow in a very fair way.

During primary school I was the first in my class in every aspect. My passion was my key to success. Then, my parents decided to send me to a private school which was considered the third school in my city. It was then I felt that my place is insecure and I hadto put much more effort to be first in my class. Luckily, I achieved this goal too.

I spent about a year in Malaysia to improve my English and as a result I got 6 on the IELTS exam. . Returning to Iran to get ready to apply for US colleges, I confronted myself with the fact that my mother had been diagnosed with cancer and I was forced to spend two years near her to gain her health back.

While my first intention was to follow Civil engineering program. Because of my family issues I had no other choice but to study in IT major. However, even in this field I showed my talent and I was among the best. Also it helped me to think logically and changed my sight to every aspect, I found that very helpfull in designing and it is asset for me.

After spending two years in college I learnt how to use computer programs to fulfill my childhood ambition. By using programs like 3D-MAX, I was able to draw maps for several interior design companies succh as Andiseye No and Diagaran. As a result I saved some money, thus, I realized now it was the time to make the right choice. My IELTS had expired but this time being better prepared than the last time I took the test and I got an overall of 6.5 .

Deciding which university I wanted to attend was the hardest choice I had to make, but in the end I chose the Minnesota state university of Mankato because of several reasons. According to U.S. News & World Report, the MSU Civil Engineering program is ranked consistently among the best universities in the USA. Moreover, it has a joint program with several companies. Therefore, the students become familiar with real situation and how to overcome them.

By studying civil engineering at your esteemed university I hope to build up on my knowledge of math and physics and learn how to apply them in real life. Having enjoyed my time at school and college. I am excited by the prospect of going to university and learning more about the world around us. I hope to become prepared for challenging and diverse career where I can help to improve the world for future generations to come

USA has the biggest and best infrastructure in the world. I have seen the Minneapolis ,los angeles bridge and buldings and manhattan skyscraper. And I have so much in mind to built and design unique structures in my home town.

I feel confident that I will continue my studies until I get a PHD degree. I like to work as a researcher and university professor afterwards. With my high interest, experience and aptitudes in civil engineering and my cognition of the USA I'm sure that I will be successful as an international engineer in future.

:| You still haven't learned to hit space, so don't start recalling happy times with me, mister! (I'm joking.)


What do you mean by "there is no resume"? Can you apply to college without one? I mean, damn, then you can say you have done so many things without having to prove it. But ok, you must know better since you're applying.

Ok, this sentence is ridiculous. XD It never turns out perfectly:
While my first intention was to follow a civil engineering program, I had no other choice but to study in an IT major given my family issues. -- Done!

It also helped me to think logically and somehow improved the way I perceived everything around me.

By helping me in designing too, it turned out to be a great asset.

Ups, this sentence too I messed up pretty badly ._. ...
As a result I managed to save some money, while also realizing it was the time to make the right choice.

Ok, now replace those last sentences and polish your essay by checking if you hit space when you should have and ... I guess you're done. :)

Looks really good. :)

Three things I'd like to change:

From the early beginning of my childhood, I was so keen ... -- I just realized it's pretty illogical to say this because childhood is actually considered to begin from the moment you're born. So perhaps it would be better to replace it with: "Ever since I was a child (no comma)".

Minnesota S tate U niversity of Mankato -- I wasn't so sure at first if every first letter should be written big, but turns out all of them must be capitalized (except for the "of").

Ph D degree -- I've seen it written like this everywhere, so I think it's safer to use this form.

Now, I though about something you could do. Go to your best friend and read him this essay and ask him whether this essay reflects who you are. Since that friend will know you the best, he (or she) should have the last opinion. Given the fact that you have no resume, this is kinda the best you can do with this essay. :)